Masturbation is the new meditation

Masturbation is the new meditation

Meditating on a Persian rug with clouds of incense around you? There’s no need for that anymore. Since the explosive rise of mindfulness, we are now ‘zen’ and ‘in the moment’ everywhere we go. But did you know that masturbating can be just as meditative as breathing exercises?

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a trend in psychology that has gained significant traction in recent years. From magazines to apps and from courses to educational lessons at primary schools, more and more people are working on being more aware of the here and now.

Living your life with full attention

Because that is what mindfulness stands for; it’s about living your life with full attention and about tuning out stimuli, distractions, and intrusive thoughts that invade our mind in an endless stream. We have gotten used to living in our own heads, where plans for the future constantly fall over each other. We’re not talking about that five-year plan you’ve put together, but about the small, daily plans and thoughts that distract us from what is happening at that moment right in front of us.

What do you do when you’re in the car or train? Do you focus on the sounds and images around you or do your thoughts wander to the moment you reach your destination? It’s the latter, right? You still have to go to the shop, cook dinner, do the dishes, put the kids to bed, binge that fun TV show, finish a report, and check your email. In the meantime, the present moment is passing you by at top speed.

Focus on your senses

When you’re mindful, you focus your attention on the present moment. You let go of thoughts about the future and focus on the here and now. You consciously listen to the sound of the car, the buzz aound you, or the music coming through your ear buds. You feel your hands around the wheel, the soft fabric of the train chair on your skin, and the wind coming in through the open car windows. If you’re eating candy or a sandwich, you don’t just chew as fast as possible without noticing the taste and texture of it. On the contrary, you focus on every taste sensation that reaches your tongue.

People who practice mindfulness often say they feel calmer and less rushed. By focussing more on the present moment, they are able to enjoy the little things much more, which makes them happier.

Does mindful masturbation exist?

If mindfulness can transform a simple train ride to a contemplative mediation session, what does this mean for other activities? Like masturbation?

Pussy connaisseur

British scientist Keeley Olivia decided to test it. As self-proclaimed ‘pussy connaisseur’ she set up a study where she masturbated for one hour a day for months. She didn’t do this just for the fun of it, but to truly connect with her vagina and her own sexuality.

She succeeded. During her study, Olivia noticed that she started to love herself and her body more. Her confidence grew and she felt reborn sexually. Before she started her meditative masturbation sessions, she’d lost the connection to her sexuality, felt insecure about her body, and was disappointed in her sex life. But this form of self-pleasure taught her to love and enjoy her body again.

Fierce critic

After her experiment, she wrote her masturbation memoirs titled ‘Unleashing the Female O’ and she gave a ground-breaking TedX-talk about her discoveries. Her motto? Masturbation is the new meditation. Her mission? Teaching women that the vagina should be celebrated and praised.

Olivia is a fierce critic of a culture where women wear perfumed pantyliners and get labia corrections done in order to adhere to a certain ideal standard. That body shame needs to go and according to her, mindful masturbation is the way to get closer to yourself. Why? Because according to Olivia, masturbation goes beyond traditional meditation, especially because self-pleasure taps into a deeper, more vulnerable layer of yourself.

Positive effects

Vice-journalist Kristen Dold went down the same road. In 2019, she researched the ways meditation and masturbation can positively influence physical and mental health. She worked together with Lorin Roche, a meditation teacher studying how to achieve a meditative state with mindful masturbation.

The results? They concluded that the pleasurable rhythm of masturbation is similar to the rhythm of meditation. And that masturbation and meditation have the same positive effects on body and mind, like the reduction of stress, insecurity, and pain.

Pornhub? Nah

Those positive effects weren’t achieved with a quick solo session while watching an amateur video on Pornhub. The real masturbation nirvana can only be achieved with slow, qualitative, and intense self-pleasuring where you focus your attention on every tingling nerve ending, not just those of your sex organs.

In that sense, there isn’t much difference between mindfully doing the dishes and mindfully playing with yourself. With meditative masturbation sessions it’s also about being aware of what you feel. To turn off your thoughts and completely focus on the sensations that are released in your body at that moment, on everything you feel, hear, see, smell, and taste.

Mindful masturbation step-by-step guide

Solo sex is a great way to experiment with mindfulness. The combination can make your experience even better and more intense, until you almost reach a tantric state. And that’s very different than a quick shag with yourself.

So how do you start? Here is a step-by-step guide!

1. Set your intentions

Mindful masturbation is never about having an orgasm. It’s mostly about exploring your sexual energy. Then you can connect that to your personal needs at that moment. For example, do you feel sexual shame? Then your intention is to feel more comfortable with your sensual self. Are you stressed? Then your intention is to reduce stress and embrace the calm. Aks yourself what you would want to let go of in your life, as well as what you would like to welcome into it.

2. Create a comfortable ambience

Having a little ritual is always nice, even when it comes to self-pleasure. Light a candle, set the temperature to a comfortable level, and make sure the room smells nice for the perfect bedroom ambience. These things are an experience for your senses and therefore for your opportunities to lose yourself in the here and now. Tip? Create a love nest of soft pillows, blankets, and sheets that you can snuggle into. Relaxing music is always a good idea as well.

3. Focus on your breathing

Being aware of your breathing is practically the most important part of meditation. It’s also quite important during meditative solo sex. Your breathe makes it possible for energy to flow through your body, including sexual energy. Don’t breathe fast and superficially, but be aware of every deep, full breath that you take. Concentrate on what your breathe makes you feel: how the oxygen reaches your lungs, how the air leaves your nostrils and makes your skin feel warm. This way your thoughts don’t wander and you can stay in the moment.

4. Touch your senstive spots

Your erogenous zones long to be touched. These areas contain countless nerve endings, which make them even more sensitive to stroking, licking, and kissing. Of course you can go straight for the clitoris, but that’s not very mindful. There are plenty of other, less obvious places on your body you can set alight, like your hands, elbows, knees, loins, and ankles. Use your fingers to softly stroke and massage these secondary erogenous zones. Experiment with the intensity of your touches and eventually stay with the places that feel good and increase the speed. That way you involve your whole body in your masturbation session and, with a little bit of luck, you will eventually experience a full-body orgasm.

5. Masturbating in slow-motion

When your fingers finally find their way to your vulva, don’t go wild. Take it slow and avoid hard, rushed touches and movement. Again, you’re not masturbating to have an orgasm, but to bring your whole body into a state of ecstasy. These things take time. So touch yourself softly and slowly, as if you have all the time in the world. And be aware of every tingle and sensation in your body. If you feel like you’re going too fast, bring your attention back to your secondary erogenous zones, like your breasts, bum, and outer labia.

6. Orgasm? Keep breathing!

When your orgasm approaches, you tend to start breathing fast. Try not to do this. Instead, keep breathing deeply and slowly. You’ll notice that this only makes your orgasm feel more intense.

Tip! Massage oil is very smooth on your skin, which can offer an extra sensual dimension. After all, smooth, slick, and scented skin adds just that little bit extra sensuality, right?

Tip! With meditative solo sex, sex toys can make the experience more intense. So your vibrator or love balls are welcome, but make sure that they improve your experience instead of rushing it. Let your vibrating friend slide over your body instead of immediately positioning it right on your hot spot. Oh, and consider using a G-spot vibrator for an even more intense experience!

Benefits of mindful masturbation

The benefits of meditative masturbation sessions are endless. Since it allows you to connect to yourself on a deeper level, you don’t just get to know your body better, but your orgasms are much more intense as well. Women who are skilled at mindful masturbation might eventually even experience multiple orgasms in a row or feel their orgasm explode in every fiber of their being. The effect of breathing deeply and slowly can be especially powerful when it comes to the intensity of your climax.

Mindful solo sex can feel like an almost spiritual experience. Even when you’re usually sceptic about these things, you can feel lighter or more complete after reaching a climax. If only because this way of self-pleasuring seamlessly combines the stress-reducing qualities of both meditation and masturbation. Be honest, that has to lead to a memorable climax, right? So let’s try it out!

Also read: the self-pleasure guide for a rainy day

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