What type of self-love is right for you?

Welke manier van zelfliefde past bij jou

The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Still, it can be hard to really love yourself. Many people are insecure, overwhelmed by negative thoughts, or are far too critical of themselves. That’s why we’ve collected the best tips for some much-needed self-love!

What’s self-love?

Loving yourself is one of the most beautiful things in the world. When you learn to love yourself, you’re much happier, and you’re able to take better care of yourself. You no longer constantly compare yourself with others, and you’re a lot more confident. Even better, you’ve learned to accept your own shortcomings and you dare to make decisions because they’re good for you.

Wallowing in insecurity

Many people find it difficult to love themselves. They focus on their imperfections and think that they have to make a 180-degree shift in their lives to be worthy. Or they wallow in their insecurities and are incredible at talking themselves down. Of course, we all do this from time to time, and it’s good to be critical of yourself when needed. Still, when negative thoughts take over, you sink into a downward spiral that can be difficult to overcome.

Broken self-image

These negative thoughts often originate from our childhood. It’s the time when deep-seated views of ourselves are formed, which are reinforced by later events in our lives. Suppose you were always told that you have a tendency to be fat. Or that you were too shy. Or that you weren’t very good at learning. These remarks become imprinted in your subconscious mind. And then they’re often amplified more and more over time, especially when something happens that reinforces those thoughts. You start to believe them, which can really damage your self-image.

Focus on yourself

It’s not easy to love yourself. In fact, getting to the point where you accept yourself completely can be a long process: whether it’s your body, your beliefs, or the decisions you make in life. For some people, their self-doubt is so intense that they hardly dare to be alone. They’re afraid to do things on their own and constantly seek the company of others. Not just because it’s fun, but mainly to mirror and compare themselves.

Such dependence can seriously undermine your self-esteem. The most important lesson in life? To feel comfortable in your own company. Without focusing on others.

The basic principles of self-love

Is it challenging for you to love yourself? And to accept your faults and missteps? Don’t worry, we’re all dealing with it. If you want to improve your self-esteem, there are certainly things you can do. Listen to yourself, for example. And become aware of the power within you.

How to do that? We’ve put together some recipes for self-love. Revolutionary? Not really. Smart, simple and effective? That they are!

1: Stop comparing

In a competitive world, it’s not surprising that we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others. Especially when that world is riddled with social media, where we’re bombarded with one success story after another. We don’t deal with this very realistically. We tend to compare our worst “mistakes” with the best “successes” of others. And that’s when, naturally, we’re bound to fail.

Furthermore, we’re all so easily blinded by the retouched and filtered stories on Instagram. Don’t you get tired of it? Try to realise that you’ve got a story to write yourself. Realise that it’s impossible to compare your life with someone else’s and put all that remaining energy into building and nurturing your own path. Do you feel how liberating that is?

2: Make mistakes

Of course, you don’t have to make the same mistakes over and over again, but you should be able to put things into perspective when something goes terribly wrong. It’s a cliché, but it’s true: nobody’s perfect. At the same time, the older you get, the stronger the pressure to perform. It’s difficult to escape this pressure, especially when something goes wrong – for example, when your planning doesn’t go as you’d have liked it to, when you say something clumsy in a meeting, or when a project fails.

Try to see those mistakes as learning moments anyway. They’re opportunities to grow and to learn to understand yourself. Silence that nagging voice in your head and take yourself a little less seriously. Because, let’s be real, what feels better: cringing when you make a mistake, or having a light-hearted laugh about it?

3: Evaluate your friendships

Do you feel good with the people around you? Do they give you energy and do they make you happy? Or do they drain you and make you feel bad every time you meet up? Your energy is limited, and it’s up to you to protect it. It’s no use spending time with people you don’t feel good around.

Of course, if a friend has problems and talks about themselves a lot, it’s understandable. It’s a different thing when you notice that the balance is completely off, and that you can’t talk about it with them. Never feel guilty if you put a friendship on the back burner because you can’t get anything out of it for yourself. Instead, surround yourself with people who also find you worthwhile. That’s also a form of self-love.

4: Accept what you can’t change

Sounds like an AA meeting, but it’s actually a good one. It’s very easy to feel good about the things you’re happy with. On the other hand, it’s less easy to embrace your mistakes, shortcomings, and missteps. That doesn’t mean that you have to love all your faults. It’s not necessary to be incredibly satisfied with every part of yourself. Still, you should try to accept them for what they are.

For example, do you have trouble being in large groups of people? Don’t worry, just tell yourself: “It’s fine, I can be nervous during a meeting. That’s how I feel, and it’s not the end of the world.” The world is full of criticism, and there’s no reason to add your self-criticism on top of it. Be gentle with yourself.

5: Trust yourself

Allow yourself to feel everything. Embrace your pain, your joy, and your fears, and above all, do not set limits on your feelings. Those emotions will help you to understand yourself.

We so often doubt ourselves and our ability to do the right thing. And yet, deep down, we know which path is best for us. You know yourself better than anyone else, so act accordingly. Dare to listen to yourself and trust in who you are.

Dancing, writing, and masturbating

That all sounds great and fun, but what does self-love look like in practice? What can you do to boost your love for yourself, and how can you pamper yourself a little? Sure, you’re worth it, but as long as it’s just about nice words, you won’t get very far. We want to see action. That’s why we’ve collected the best and most surprising tips to give your self-love a big boost!

1: Dancing

In pre-covid times, you might’ve danced the nights away at parties or in a club. Felt good, right? That’s not surprising, as dancing releases endorphins in your body. These happiness hormones make you feel free, cheerful, and joyous. They also make sure that you can let go of all your negative feelings while you’re dancing. And that’s how you really connect to yourself.

Put on your favourite music and have a dancing session in your living room. Close your eyes and don’t worry about how you look. In fact, move as crazily and freely as you can, and don’t forget to sing your heart out! This way, you can break through the daily grind in your life and feel invigorated.

2: Writing and painting

Try to see the beauty around you every day. Write down what you find in a notebook and practice gratitude. Gratitude not only gives you a new perspective, it also helps you feel happier and more positive. In your journal, you can also record your thoughts and feelings, so you can read back later to see how you felt and how you dealt with certain situations.

A love letter to yourself? Another great way to look at yourself in a positive light. Write about the things that make you happy and give yourself a little pep talk if necessary. Or, at the end of each week, write down 5 things you’re grateful for to make your relationship with yourself more loving. Not big on writing? Make a painting and go wild with bold colours and strokes. What matters is that you dare to express yourself directly from your heart.

3: Treat yourself to a solo date!

It may look a bit sad: a man sitting alone at a restaurant table or in a cinema seat. But who says that that loner is lonely? Maybe he’s been thinking amazing thoughts while sitting by himself! Solo dating is all about quality time with yourself. It’s doing something nice, just for you.

It’s one of the strongest expressions of self-love. By doing something special with yourself, something you’d normally only do with someone else, you give yourself the love and attention you’d normally give to someone else. Treat yourself to a brownie at your favourite lunch place, or go to the sauna for a day on your own. Want to bet that you’ll come back totally refreshed?

4: Pamper your body

If we want to learn how to love ourselves, we have to spend enough time and attention on our bodies. We may think that everything happens between our ears, but without our bodies, we’re nowhere. Apart from moving, dancing, and playing sports, it’s also important that we give our bodies some rest from time to time.

Give yourself half an hour every day to be completely at ease. Take a moment away from the hustle and bustle and relax. For example, enjoy a bubble bath, give yourself a massage, or sit on a blanket in the sun and meditate. Don’t worry about all the things on your to-do list, but focus completely on yourself and on being present in the moment.

5: Mindful masturbation

An extension of paying more attention to your body is, of course, the ultimate form of self-love: solo sex. Especially when you go for a meditative masturbation session, you’ll find that masturbating brings you closer to yourself. Besides, mindful fingering makes your orgasms a lot more powerful.

Ready for intense solo sex? A moment in which you’re in deeper contact with yourself? First, take good care of yourself and create a comfortable atmosphere. Light some scented candles, let sensual music fill the room, and lie down on some soft cushions. And don’t forget some exciting toys. With the right sex toy, you’ll definitely find your way to Nirvana!

Try the Satisfyer Pro or the black-and-gold Womanizer. Being nice to yourself also means that you deserve a gift from time to time, right?

Want to know more about mindful masturbation? Check out our article here!

Be kind to yourself!

Self-love doesn’t mean loving everything about yourself. It does mean that you can look at yourself and accept what you can’t change. That’s how you can make confident decisions because they’re good for you, even if they’re not for someone else.

Self-love also means being kind to yourself, being aware of your own worth, and that you strive for the best for yourself without short-changing others. Of course, this is not always easy, but when you occasionally stop to think about how far you’ve come, and if you dare to applaud yourself for it, you’re already well on your way.

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