What’s voyeurism and why is it sexy?

Have you ever intentionally had sex with the curtains open so that people could see you? Or does it excite you to watch people having sex without them knowing that you’re watching? Voyeurism can be fun and we’re happy to tell you more about it.

What’s voyeurism?

A voyeur is someone who likes to secretly watch someone who’s naked or half-naked doing private things like undressing or having sex. Listening to people having sex also arouses some people. Voyeurism is considered a fetish and, according to the Journal of Sex and Research, it’s one of the most common. So don’t feel weird if you like watching or listening to others.

Forget the creepy guy standing in the bushes with binoculars: voyeurism can also be very sexy. Have you ever listened to erotic audio? You can find plenty of videos filmed from a voyeuristic point of view, such as through the crack of a door.

Healthy vs. unhealthy voyeurism

It’s important to remember that there’s a difference between healthy and unhealthy voyeurism. And this, in short, always comes down to consent.

Unhealthy voyeurism

Unhealthy and punishable voyeurism is, for example, watching people who don’t know you’re watching or who don’t want you to. Think, for example, of people being watched or filmed with hidden cameras in restrooms and changing rooms. Or when women are filmed down their blouses or up their skirts. If you do something without the consent of the other person, such as secretly watching and filming your neighbour getting undressed, then you’re committing a crime. This can make the other person feel unsafe, dirty, and assaulted when they find out.

Voyeurism can also take unhealthy forms if it prevents you from living your normal life. Your fetish can take up so much time that your work, relationship, or social life suffers.

Healthy voyeurism

Voyeurism is mainly about watching someone else. This is something you can do together with your partner. Of course, communication is very important. Some exciting options for watching your partner:

• Ask your partner if you can watch while they undress or take a shower or bathe.
• Surprise your lover with a sex toy and ask if you can watch while they masturbate with it. You can make it as “sneaky” as you want: you could just lie there on the bed or you could peek through the crack of an open door.
• Position a mirror in such a way that you can watch while you’re having sex.
• Invite a third person into the bedroom and watch your partner have sex with them. Of course, this should be done in consultation with the third person. It’s also important to discuss beforehand with everyone involved whether a threesome is an option and how far you want to go with it.

Let yourself be watched

Truthfully, I find it an exciting thought to be watched. That’s why I’ve had sex standing against the window of my hotel room in Las Vegas and I’ve had quickies in the stairwell of my student flat. Both were still relatively safe choices, as it was late and therefore dark. And although it might be vaguely visible to passers-by, I wasn’t going down on someone in a schoolyard during recess.

Would you like your partner to watch you while you undress, take a shower, or masturbate? Discuss this with them. They might find it just as exciting as you do. They might even want to “secretly” film you. Do consider whether you trust this (sex) partner enough: if necessary, you can delete the files afterwards.

Reading tip: Why outdoor sex is so exciting

Why do people like to look at others?

If you’ve ever been to a swinger’s club, it’s not at all strange to see couples making love all around you. And you certainly don’t have to turn your head away from them: they actually enjoy being watched. It’s like live porn, but with a completely different dimension. People who are extraverted seem to be more open to having sex in public. Still, it’s not entirely clear why people enjoy voyeurism. As with many fetishes, people have different needs and feelings when it comes to voyeurism. For example, some people find it exciting to be part of something that’s taboo – after all, they’re watching a private situation. Others simply get aroused by watching people making love, not because of the taboo, but because of the sexual acts.

What do you think: could you be a voyeur?