This is how to boost your relationship

relationship, couple, love

Sometimes it feels as if the river of your relationship doesn’t flow as smoothly anymore, the fire diminishes, and frivolous feelings of lust wear out. Your relationship trudges along, but the passion is locked in the past. At these moments, it’s more important than ever to pluck up your courage and bond with each other again. Find connection, friction, and affection, create sparks, and relight the fire. Break the dam and let the river flow again. Discover how to do that in this article.

The danger of routine

After an explosion of love and lust at the start of your relationship, routine slowly takes over your daily life together. Sooner or later this routine becomes the main part of your relationship. We as humans inherently create routine in our lives to increase efficiency and prevent arguments. It makes life easier and more comfortable. You know what to expect from each other and what to do and not to do. Even though this may actually sound good to you, you probably also suspect that there’s a catch. 

“We inherently create routine in our lives to increase efficiency.”

Routine offers ease and comfort. It leaves little room for friction, discussions, exploring, and pushing limits. Life becomes linear, even though love is anything but. The danger of routine is that you could start to take your partner for granted. Days, weeks, months, and years slip away until it’s too late to do something about it and boredom takes over. In the last couple of years, the number of married couples over fifty who applied for divorce has only increased. It’s a shame to let your relationship run dry, so take action on time to prevent the dangers of routine.

Get rid of the problem, not your partner

Start with some good conversations. Take your time for this, be true to yourself, and connect to each other. Do you want to discuss the problems in your relationship? Try to always use ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ and start by admitting your own shortcomings before you express criticism towards your partner. This way, you won’t (un)consciously blame your partner for everything. Listen closely to your partner without interrupting them and don’t offer solutions right away. Let the conversation rest first. You don’t want to cause conflict or misunderstandings.

Make love fun again

Don’t forget that your homely life and ‘boring’ relationship offers stability. Just make sure that it doesn’t push away passion and love. The solution? Make plans, go out together, talk to each other more, give each other compliments, talk about shared memories, and go to bed at the same time.

Get off the routine train

Your routine is so ingrained in your daily life that it is hard to change. The first step is to become aware of it and to observe yourself and your partner. Pay attention to each other when you wake up in the morning. Did your partner sleep well? See what your partner chooses to wear that day. Do you like it? Show them! These small moments of routine-breaking interaction form the basis of a happy relationship.

Create fun memories

Good memories are something to hold onto during difficult times. Time to go out together! You can go for a walk, go away for the weekend, play sports, take dancing lessons, do a workshop, go on holiday, visit friends, or go to a pub in the evening. During these outings, you’ll be able to see each other in a new light thanks to the freer and more playful setting. There’s a good chance you’ll have fun together, laugh together, and feel those butterflies again. 

New conversation topics

This may sound a little basic, but many couples don’t talk to each other much from day to day. Try not to talk about work or family-related business. Choose other topics, like current affairs, something you experienced that day, or something you’ve been thinking about for a while. Do you find it difficult to find new topics to talk about? Conversation games like Never have I ever can help you with that. When you find a fun topic to talk about, notice the effect this new conversation has on you and your partner. 

Find affection

Affection and sexual attraction are what makes the relationship with your partner different than the relationship you have with your sister, brother, or friend. Make sure you don’t lose that affection. A common reason for people to get divorced is: ‘we didn’t live as lovers anymore, but as brother and sister.’ If you want to prevent this, focus on affection. Hug each other more often, look your partner in the eyes, feel, massage, and experiment with sex. Couple toys can help with that.

Break from the relationship

Are you unable to give each other enough affection? Does it all feel too forced? Then it’s advisable to take a break from your relationship. This doesn’t mean anything bad, as long as you believe in each other’s love. In fact, it often helps you realise that you still love your partner. Even just a taking a step back can offer some emotional peace. You’ll have time to breathe, but you can go home afterwards. You only know what you’re missing when it’s gone.

Can’t get out of the situation?

Giving your relationship a boost sounds so simple, but in reality, it’s often quite difficult. It’s not unthinkable that you’ve been having relationship problems for a while now, but that you don’t do much about it anymore. Purely because nothing works. To change that, you can contact our sexologist Nynke Nijman through the contact form. Perhaps she’ll answer your question in one of her articles. 

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