Slut-shaming: outdated

If a man’s done it with 10 women, some think he’s a stud; if a woman’s done it with 10 men, some think she’s a whore. Some consider any woman who has had many partners a slut. And men  often multiply the number of partners they’ve slept with by three, just to brag… while a woman will divide the number by three to avoid being called a slut. Sound familiar? Unfortunately, it does for most women. Let’s say no to slut-shaming!

Slut-shaming: so 2020

What’s a slut anyway? According to the dictionary, a slut is a term for a fornicating woman. That’s quite something, as fornication is committing sexual acts against the law. In popular speech, a girl or woman might be called a slut because, for example, she kisses several boys during an  evening out or has slept with many partners. Slut-shaming is the English term for labelling a girl or woman as a slut. The shaming comes in many more forms than the ones mentioned above. Sometimes a girl or woman is labelled a slut because she wants to use contraceptives, has sex before marriage, has one-night stands or casual sex, or has certain sexual preferences or kinks.

Sexual inequality between men and women

Sexual equality between men and women: it still doesn’t exist in many countries. Just think of the terrible phenomenon of honour killings where women are abused or killed. According to Amnesty International such honour crimes may happen because the woman is thought to have damaged the “family honour” by committing adultery, rejecting a marriage partner, or marrying someone not approved by the family. They might mutilate her, set her on fire, pour acid over her face, or even murder her. Even in a western country like the Netherlands, there are about 20 such honour killings each year. In Pakistan, Amnesty International estimates that hundreds of women are murdered in this way each year.

Slut-shaming: who does it?

Honour killing is an extreme case of not agreeing with the (sexual) choices of another person, but slut-shaming is another way for men and women to express their disapproval of another person’s choices. Often, this comes from a feeling of insecurity about their own sexual feelings and experiences. Every woman has been called a slut at some point in her life. It’s derogatory and unnecessary. And with the advent of the internet and social media, it has only become easier to insult someone (anonymously or not). It’s high time that this stopped.

UnSlut

No one should feel attacked for their lifestyle choices. Sex should be about strength. It’s your body and you’re free to make your own choices. That’s also the opinion of Emily Lindin, founder of The UnSlut Project. In her film UnSlut: A Documentary Film, you can see the story of Rehtaeh Parsons. When she was 15 years old, she was raped by four boys, who then shared photos of her. Everyone called her a slut and, a year and a half after the rape, she committed suicide.

Perhaps you’ve experienced first-hand how awful it feels to be called a slut or maybe you’ve slut-shamed other women. Here’s what you can do to avoid this in the future.

1. Don’t judge a woman when someone else shares her photos

Honestly, have you ever sent a nude photo? Most people have. In the best-case scenario, it’s immediately deleted by the recipient and you never hear anything about it again. But in many cases, unfortunately, private photos get shared around. The humiliation that follows often leads the subject to consider killing themselves, while the person who took the photo or shares it escapes blame.  Support the victim by deleting the photos and try to prevent others from sharing them.

2. Don’t make jokes about someone else’s sexual orientation

The fact that someone has a different sexual preference than you isn’t any reason to make fun of them. Don’t go along with gossip about who might be into BDSM or golden showers. The only sex life you can really talk about with any certainty is your own.

3. Casual sex is okay for men and women

I already mentioned this in the introduction: male and female sexuality aren’t treated equally. By claiming you’re “just like a man” by separating love and sex just perpetuates this inequality. Casual sex can be experienced by both men and women. Not every woman wants an immediate relationship, not every man wants just one night of sex.

4. She didn’t ask for it

There’s no justification for sexually transgressive behaviour. No matter how sexy her clothing is, a woman never asks to be assaulted or raped. By claiming that a girl or woman “asked” to be raped because of how she was dressed is bullshit. Even if she were to walk down the street naked, no one has the right to reach out and grab her. The fact that some men can’t hold back is not her fault, no matter how she’s dressed.

5. Don’t just assume someone else is doing something only for potential partners

When you wear makeup, wear pretty lingerie, or dress extra sexy, are you doing it just to impress a potential partner? Or do you just like to go all-out once in a while – or every day – with clothes, makeup, and styled hair? Beautiful lingerie can give you self-confidence, which is why many women wear it regularly. The chances that your colleague has dressed extra sexy to seduce your boyfriend are slim. Just try to see the best in other women.

There’s more you can do to help. If you hear friends talking badly about a woman, say something!. Stand up for your girlfriends and other women when they’re being dissed, including on social media. Teach your children that men and women are equal and that girls are just as much allowed as boys to do whatever they want with their sexuality. And finally, don’t speak poorly of other women. Because if there’s one issue where we can support each other, it has to be this one.