My first time having a one-night stand

Every person goes through many ‘first times’ in their life, including everything that has to do with sexuality. In our new series ‘My First Time’, women describe their first time: kissing someone of the same sex, having a threesome, having an affair, or having sex under the influence. Linda (37) works for Pabo Magazine as a freelance writer. In this article she talks about her first one-night stand.

The one-night stand: who isn’t familiar with it?

A one-night stand is defined as one-time sexual contact without making any plans for a future together. You know: the kind of adventure where you go home with that delicious bartender for some hot sex, after which you escape from his house at 6 o’clock in the morning. A fun, one-time experience. Usually you barely know each other, so you can enjoy each other without any worry. It’s all about having sex and not about starting a relationship.

Also read: Consensual non-monogamy: can it work?

How many people have one-night stands?

A study conducted among 1,000 Americans and Europeans concluded that 66% of the participants has had at least one one-night stand. Research by a Dutch dating site concluded that Dutch and Belgian people score much lower than that. Only 21% admitted to having had a one-night stand. In Scandinavia, these percentages are higher: 37.9% of Norse women said they have a one-night stand every month. A third of Swedish women has had sex with a stranger on holiday and about 25% has a one-night stand once a month.

My first time having a one-night stand

My first one-night stand happened a long time ago, way before dating apps or even smartphones were invented. I was seventeen and my best friend and I decided it was time for an exciting holiday. We flew to Barcelona together and from there, we went to, you probably guessed it, Lloret de Mar. Better known as the Sodom and Gomorrah of Spain in the 2000s. Tens of thousands of young people travelled to this popular place at the Costa Brava every summer for a week of sun, booze, going out and having sex. Our goal was to score as many cute guys as possible!

Handsome club promotors and free drinks

We were teenage girls who were persuaded by promotors with free drinks to go to various clubs. And that’s how I met my one-night stand. A beautiful Dutch 18-year-old boy who, to my surprise, was still a virgin. I didn’t know that at the time of course, but he told me later. During a boozy night in a large discoteque, he kissed me and it didn’t take long for me to realise that he would be going home with me. Or at least, my hotel room. That was a bit difficult though, because of course I shared that room with my friend. Fortunately, my friend found a place to stay for the night with an especially handsome Italian, whom we annoyed by constantly yelling ‘cappuccino’, ‘pizza margherita’ and ‘arrivederci’.

I have to tell you something: I’m a virgin

When we were in the hotel room, he shared with me that he was still a virgin. And to be honest: that was noticeable. He finished in a couple of minutes and I would be lying if said it was a great succes. Still, we had sex again in the morning, and again the night after that, because he was handsome, sweet and enthusiastic. That’s how my one-night stand turned into a holiday romance for two nights. We never talked to each other again, but I still have his picture in my Lloret de Mar picture book.

One-night stands and dates: the norm during college

I had many one-night stands after that. I didn’t even want to think about having a relationship while I was in college and so dates and one-night stands were the norm for me. I took that handsome bartender that I mentioned before home one time, I slept with my friend’s brother (not great for our friendship) and kicked a classmate out of my house during foreplay because I wasn’t in the mood anymore. Some men went from one-night stands to dates, men I could send a message when I was in the mood or men went home with me when we ran into each other during a night out. The advantage of this was that we got to know each other really well when it came to sex, but that we didn’t have any feelings for each other beyond that. The advantage of a one-night stand: there’s no shame, because you don’t know each other.

How do you make your one-night stand a success?

Does the idea of having a one-night stand appeal to you, but are you unsure if you will enjoy it? With these tips, success is practically guaranteed.

Have safe sex

Safe sex is important when you have sex with various people or with someone you barely know. Make sure you always have condoms with you, so there won’t be any unpleasant surprises.

Trust your instinct

Are you afraid your one-night stand won’t respect your boundaries? Is there something dangerous about him? Trust your instinct, because it’s almost always right. Anonymous sex is fun, but you also want to get home safely. You could take him home with you and kick him out after having sex, or text a friend that you’re going home with someone (and give him or her the address). But if it doesn’t feel safe, don’t do it!

Also read: My first threesome: sex with two men