My first time having an affair: exciting and arousing

Every person goes through many ‘first times’ in their life, including everything that has to do with sexuality. In our new series ‘My First Time’, women describe their first time: kissing someone of the same sex, having a threesome, having an affair, or having sex under the influence. Linda (37) works for Pabo Magazine as a freelance writer. In this article she talks about having an affair for the first time.

Having an affair: what is it?

Having an affair or cheating: it means that one partner is secretly kissing or having sex with another person without the other partner giving their blessing. There’s also something called an emotional affair, where one partner shares personal, emotional things with another person that they are supposed to share with their partner. And how about secretly sending dick pics to someone who is not your partner? In every culture, there is a different definition of infidelity. Some people believe kissing someone when you’re drunk isn’t really cheating, while others even consider sexting with someone else cheating.

How many people cheat on their partner?

Putting a number to it is quite difficult. Not everyone is willing to admit that they’ve cheated on their partner at some point in their life. The reasons for that are clear: you don’t want your partner to find out. You’d rather not get caught cheating and you don’t want to hurt your partner. Still, people have been studying affairs for decades. Research by Durex shows that about 22% of all people worldwide has cheated on their partner. Based on various studies in different countries, about 30% of marriages that end in divorce are a direct result of affairs.

My first time cheating

My first time cheating happened far before I even considered the idea of marrying someone. In the period between my fifteenth and twentieth birthday, I had a three serious relationships that each lasted about a year. Well, as serious as you would expect of a teenager of course. I had sex for the first time with my first boyfriend, who was a couple of years older than I was. My first time kissing someone else was with his oh so handsome younger brother. I didn’t really consider this cheating. It wasn’t until my second relationship that I really crossed that line, although I think my first boyfriend would disagree.

He is traditional, not that intelligent and too unsophisticated, but has the most beautiful blue eyes ever and is 100% irresistable

During that second relationship, I met Robin. He is everything I don’t want in a partner: traditional, not that intelligent and too unsophisticated, but has the most beautiful blue eyes ever and is 100% irresistable. When I met him at a large discoteque in my hometown, I was 18 and he was a little younger. We’d seen each other before at a school party, where he kept looking at me all evening. I really adored my boyfriend, but still I was like putty in Robin’s hands. I drowned in those blue eyes and they still make my heart beat faster. We didn’t care about the fact that he knew my boyfriend and that there were thousands of people in the discoteque at all: we needed to kiss and go a bit further as well if possible. His kiss made my knees weak and my hands clammy, not in least because we could get caught.

Sex behind the discoteque

Because kissing at the discoteque was a little too dangerous since everyone knew everyone there, we decided to go outside. I went outside five minutes after he did, very subtle. When I turned the corner, he grabbed me and kissed me again. His young, eager hands explored my breasts and he sucked my nipples like he had never done that before. Considering his age, for all I know I could be his first time. Because we were sufficiently out of sight, I felt comfortable enough to go a step further. The excitement and arousal was thick in the air and he finished very quickly. It was fine: you can’t do much more than a quickie when you’re in public anyway. My first time having an affair was terribly exciting and absolutely worth another try.

Also read: Sexual chemistry with your one-night stand: lust or love?

My first time having an affair: I kept seeing him

I definitely got my chance to give it another try. The relationship with my boyfriend eventually ended because of a different reason, but even during my third serious relationship, I kept seeing Robin. And even if he had a girlfriend, we still kept seeing each other. Wrong thing to do? Definitely. Although I don’t think anyone ever found out. He has become some sort of addiction to me. We have such strong sexual chemistry that I get aroused even thinking about it. It’s the kind of chemistry where a secret, quick kiss leads to a much too long, intense kiss when we happen to run into each other. And where a quick hug ‘suddenly’ leads to him playing with my breasts; still his favourite thing to do. Together we have explored so much, from childish teenage sex at both our parents’ houses to sex outdoors, playing with a vibrator and making videos.

And to be honest, it’s just nice to know that someone is that attracted to you, even after almost twenty years. I would never want to start a relationship with him. He believes women belong in the kitchen and I see him as a dumb farm boy, but I still want him to do me on the kitchen counter. And so we keep sending each other messages and running into each other every now and then.

Why do we cheat?

Having an affair can cause much misery. Still, it happens a lot. The reason is usually that the relationship doesn’t offer the same satisfaction as before. For women, this is often on an emotional level and for men, it’s on a sexual level. These are the most common reasons and excuses for cheating:

Emotional neglect

Especially for women, emotional neglect by their partner is the most common reason to have an affair. Maybe you can imagine it: your husband hasn’t noticed that you look nice or that you changed your hair for years, but your colleague does notice and gives you compliments. It’s not necessarily a reason to sleep with him or her, but if someone else gives you the appreciation you don’t get from your partner, that could be enough to push you over that line.

Unsatisfying sex life

For men, this is the most common reason for cheating: an unsatisfying sex life. Perhaps you have a higher sex drive than your partner. Or perhaps he or she isn’t in the mood as often as before because of pregnancy, fatigue caused by raising small children, menopause or erection problems. If that’s the case and a sexy single person shows interest in you, it can be difficult to resist that.

Boredom

In a long-term relationship, everything can become routine after a while. You have a set ritual for everything, including what happens in the bedroom. This boredom can make you curious about what it would be like with someone else. There’s a reason cheating is more common among couples who have been together for a long time than among new couples.

Lack of confidence

It’s great when someone is interested in you, right? If you have low self-esteem, it increases the likelihood of you cheating on your partner. The attention you receive from people beside your partner can boost your confidence and in that way can form a threat to your relationship.

Is having an affair illegal?

Although affairs often lead to broken relationships, it isn’t illegal in European countries, Australia and parts of the US. However, in other countries like the Philippines, Morocco, Egypt, United Arab Emirates and Iran it is illegal to cheat on your partner. You could end up in jail or you may be whipped or even put to death in Pakistan, Saudi Arabia and Brunei. It is remarkable that is someone is found guilty, it’s usually a woman. In some conservative states in the US, there are laws against having an affair, but it practically never happens that a person is actually prosecuted for this.

Also read: My first threesome: sex with two men