In love with a man who’s in a relationship. What now?

Verliefd op een man die een relatie heeft. Wat nu_

Falling in love with someone who’s in a relationship: it can happen to the best of us. Maybe your knight in shining armour has withheld the fact that he’s actually married, or maybe you have deliberately become his second flame. Either way, you’re in love with a man who’s in a relationship. So now what?

I’m in love with someone who’s in a relationship

You meet at work. So cliché: he’s your superior, a typical dominant, handsome, older man. And what about you? You’re quite a catch too, if you may say so yourself. In no time at all, sexy glances and naughty WhatsApp messages develop into an intense affair – in his office, luxury hotels, and sometimes even at home. You seduce him with your smooth legs and carefully selected lingerie, but he never sleeps over. Sure: he’s going to leave his wife, because they haven’t had sex in months. He says he can never get it right for her. But – surprise, surprise – the right moment to leave her never comes. The children are still too young, his mother-in-law is ill, there’s an important takeover at work, you name it. Meanwhile, you’re waiting for a lover who’s not available on important holidays, to introduce to your parents and, to top it all off, your biological clock starts ticking and ticking.

Men make the most beautiful promises to their lovers

The truth is that most married men don’t leave their wives for their mistresses. That’s why it’s better to ignore his promises. But why don’t men leave their wives for their mistresses? There are several reasons:

1. He’s got everything he wants

He has a loving family at home, with a wife who looks after him, his children, and the household. She does his dirty laundry, she cooks, and she cleans up. And then he has you: a sexy mistress for excitement and crazy sex. He takes no responsibility for you at all (you let him into your life every time anyway) and he can feel like he’s 20 again. If he can still be safely married, live at home, and have sex with you whenever he wants, why should he change that?

2. A divorce is expensive and painful

You’d like to take your man to birthdays and New Year’s parties. If you’re in love with a man who’s in a relationship, it’s not easy. And be honest: Have you ever thought about the other consequences of divorce? Do you realise how it will affect his children’s lives, for example? He’ll probably want to spare them the pain. Furthermore, a divorce is a lot of hassle: it takes a long time, and it’s painful and expensive. And to be honest: it’s not necessary, because you’ll be there for him anyway.

3. If he wanted to leave his wife, he would’ve done so already

It’s very simple: actions speak louder than words. If he’s really that unhappy with his wife and loves you as much as he says he does, and he’s really willing to cause his family all that grief, he’d have left her a long time ago.

In love with a man in a relationship: what to do?

It’s important to realise that you’re largely in control of what will happen to you and your relationship. There are a number of things you can do.

Give him an ultimatum

If you’re still convinced that he’ll leave his wife for you, you can give him an ultimatum. For example, that on this or that date, he’ll tell his wife that he wants a divorce, actually move out of the house, or initiate the divorce.

Stop having sex

Men want what they cannot have. It unleashes the hunter within them. If you stop having sex with him, he might come crawling back to you. Of course, he’ll make you the most wonderful promises, but you won’t fall for them. He could also decide not to contact you (anymore). Then you’ll know immediately how much his promises were worth.

Choose for yourself

It’s time to choose for yourself. Put him aside and realise that this is painful. It’s just like ending a ‘normal’ relationship, so give yourself time to get over it. Don’t call or text him anymore, don’t follow him on social media, and stay away from him. By putting him aside, you give yourself the chance to meet another nice man. One who’s not occupied and who’s 100% yours.

Reading tip: Coming home (erotic story)

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