Is experimenting always a good idea?

experimenting with sex

Many people experiment with their sexuality during their students years, but is this the best period to do it? And is experimenting a good idea at all? We did some research to find out.

What is experimenting exactly?

What exactly do we mean by ‘experimenting’? Is it about discovering your sexual orientation? Or is it an umbrella term for everything you do for the first time? Experts say it’s both. “If you talk about experimenting sexually, that can mean a lot of different things,” says sexologist Dr. Jill McDevitt. “While experimenting, you can discover you’re bisexual for example, or that you like oral sex and don’t like anal sex, or maybe both. It’s an individual matter.” We-Vibe sex expert Dr. Chris Donaghue says: “Experimenting is actually about allowing new, creative, and diverse things into your life when it comes to sexuality.”

Is experimenting a good idea?

I’m the first to admit that I’ve experimented a lot when I was a student. This is how I ended up having various threesomes with various men. It’s not something I would do again, but I fondly look back on it. Just like that one night with my sexy bartender, who at some point suddenly offered me poppers. Or how about that super erotic kissing session with my friend’s sister? These are all things that don’t happen anymore now that I’m married, but that I definitely don’t regret. Having said that, this doesn’t mean that everyone has to experiment. Or that you can only experiment when you’re single.

Whether or not experimenting is a good idea completely depends on you. Are you curious to find out what else the world has to offer? Are you open to new experiences that could go both ways? Then experimenting is a good idea! Even when it makes you a little nervous. If you don’t feel the need to experiment, or you know what you like and you’re happy with that, then of course you don’t have to go off the beaten track if you don’t want to.

Tips for experimenting

Experimenting is possible both as a single person and as a couple. For many long-term couples, their sex life starts to become a routine after a while. The chance of spontaneously ripping each other’s clothes off after a long day at work is slim when you’ve been married for 10 years. Are you ready to boost your sex life? Start experimenting by yourself or together with your partner and bring some excitement and lust back into your relationship.

Buy a sex toy

Never used a sex toy in bed? Treat yourself and your partner to something nice and buy a fun sex toy! If it’s your first toy, you can choose a vibrator for example. This will offer pleasure to both you and your partner. Nowadays there are also many remote-controlled sex toys, so you can hand over control to your partner. For a heterosexual couple, a couple vibrator provides a lot of fun and pleasure as well. Are you into nipple stimulation? Try using nipple clamps and let your partner play with them.

Embrace your insecurity

It’s normal to feel insecure when you’re trying something for the first time. This can vary from insecurity about your sexual preference (“am I a lesbian if I enjoy kissing women or is it just lust?”) to insecurity about whether or not you’re doing something the right way. “Sexual experiences that push you towards a certain boundary you set for yourself – one that you thought you would never cross – can make you feel insecure. Make sure you’re aware that sex is fluid: you don’t have to put labels on it. Enjoy the experience.”

Try it a couple of times

You tried anal sex and you didn’t like it? That doesn’t mean that it will feel the same with a different partner. According to Donaghue, the second time can be much more pleasant than the first time. “Try to be open to trying new things and trying them more than once. New partners or new experiences with your current partner are the way to expand your sexual horizon. If you feel safe with your partner, you can gain new experiences by trying new things at least a couple of times.”

Get informed

The first time I tried anal sex with one of my first boyfriends wasn’t great at all. But if you then do some research and find out that you went about it the wrong way (no lubricant, no foreplay, just penetration), your next experience can turn out to be much more pleasant. Especially if it’s with an experienced man who arouses you like you’ve never experienced before.

Don’t feel like it? Don’t do it!

Is experimenting always a good idea? Actually, yes. It teaches you things you didn’t know about yourself. Communication is very important if you try new things with your partner. There is really only one no-go when it comes to experimenting. For example, if your partner wants to try something new, but you don’t, then don’t do it. Consider it, but never do anything against your will. Your partner shouldn’t pressure you into it and also shouldn’t make you feel guilty. If you don’t feel any need to experiment, no matter if you’re single or in a relationship, that’s really okay.

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