Everything about afterplay: what is it and how can you make it more pleasurable?

Eeveryone knows about foreplay. Some people consider it a necessary evil: it is necessary for a woman to get in the mood. For others, it is an integral part of the sexual experience and provides just as much pleasure as actually having sex. Afterplay is a great way to cool down after sex. Cuddling, kissing, and making sure your partner also reaches their climax are all forms of afterplay. It is often forgotten, for example because your partner immediately falls asleep, because you pay more attention your phone than your partner, or simply because you don’t know what afterplay is. Time for a change! Afterplay deepens your relationship and makes sure you feel safe and comfortable with your lover. So how does afterplay work exactly and how do you make it enjoyable for both of you? We will tell you everything you need to know in this blog post.

Afterplay in a nutshell

Kissing and cuddling, talking to each other, taking a shower together, or making sure your partner also reaches their climax. These forms of afterplay sound obvious, something that should come natural in every relationship. However, many people fall asleep immediately after they’ve had an orgasm. Research conducted by Daniel Kruger and Susan Hughes in 2011 shows that both men and women tend to fall asleep immediately after sex. Sometimes one partner starts to focus on something else, like a game on their phone. That’s a shame, because afterplay is very pleasurable. It allows you to take a moment to enjoy not just each other, but also the happiness hormones that still rush through your body and the lingering sexual feelings. Afterplay is about being close to your partner, loving each other, and working on a strong and intimate relationship. This also prevents – and I’m just gonna say it – feeling a little used when your partner has turned away from you after sex and you’re staring at their back.

Afterplay makes you feel like you are safe and loved

Afterplay is just as important as foreplay. You can consider it a conclusion to your sexual experience. It creates space for you and your partner to enjoy that afterglow together while lying in each other’s arms. Men often seem to turn away from their partner after having sex, while women tend to experience ‘after-sex blues’. They often feel emotional, sometimes they even feel sad or ashamed, and they’re looking for love and warmth. Especially if you haven’t had an orgasm yet, your partner turning away from you after sex can be very disheartening. Afterplay is the perfect way to show each other love and respect. You can doze off together, kiss, cuddle, talk, or enjoy each other’s company in silence. The Kruger and Hughes research also shows that men usually like to kiss before having sex, while women like to kiss after sex.

Afterplay deepens your relationship

Sex becomes more intimate when you add afterplay to it. You are very vulnerable after having sex: you’re naked in bed together, the sexual sensations are still rushing through your body, and your skin is more sensitive than usual. This makes you extra sensitive to happiness hormones like dopamine, which are released when you keep those feelings of lust going after sex by cuddling. Research conducted by Muise, Giang, & Impett in 2014 shows that people in a long-term relationship are more satisfied when they’ve added afterplay to their sexual experiences than couples who don’t do any afterplay at all.

Five tips for concluding your sexual experience

Having great sex with your steady partner is not just about lust, but also about being emotionally and physically close to your lover. That’s why afterplay is so important. A couple of afterplay tips that both of you can enjoy:

• Talk to each other, not about the weather, but about how you can make sex even better. Talk about what you like about the sex you just had, about how you can make it better, and what your fantasies are. This is great for expanding your sexual experiences.
• A not so obvious tip: listen to an erotic audio book or read a book to each other. It feels a little strange when you do this for the first time, but it’s an intimate form of afterplay.
• Kiss each other. From soft, sweet kisses to passionate French kissing. Use afterplay to connect with your partner. You will definitely feel those butterflies in your stomach.
• Who says a massage is only suitable for foreplay? Sensual contact between your naked bodies is the perfect afterplay, because it helps relax the muscles. Besides, your skin is so sensitive right now that a massage deepens intimacy and trust.
• Take a shower together. Perhaps you always take a shower after sex. But do you do this on your own or with your partner? Get in the shower together and cuddle, kiss, and massage each other with shower gel.
• Afterplay doesn’t have to be difficult: cuddling or lying in each other’s arms is great afterplay.

Afterplay for the female orgasm

If you as a woman can reach a climax just as fast as your (male) partner: well done! You are blessed. When one partner has an orgasm, the other partner will definitely enjoy that. But how great is it if both of you reach a climax? Use afterplay for that final push and penetrate her with your penis or a vibrator and softly massage her clitoris. Put each other at ease and whisper sweet words. This also goes for gay couples of course: why should one person get an orgasm and not the other person?

All your shame disappears

This is the moment you’re most vulnerable and perhaps you’re ashamed to have your orgasm if your partner already reached their climax. There is no need for this. You’re in safe and caring hands and it will only bring you closer together. It’s clear that afterplay should be an important part of your sexual relationship. It prolongs your lovemaking session, it’s beneficial to your relationship, and will only make sex even better. Ignore your decreased sex drive when you’ve already reached a climax while your lover hasn’t yet. It’s great that you were able to orgasm first, but that doesn’t mean you should give your partner the cold shoulder. Finish what you started, so you can enjoy afterplay together.

Is afterplay part of your sexual adventures?