What impact does moving in together have on your sexual relationship?

It seems to be one of the highlights of a relationship; the moment you decide to move in together. But, did you know that moving in together can also be an intense turning point in your relationship if you’re not aware of the impact it may have on your sex life?

Maybe you’ve already heard about it from friends, your sister or brother, or perhaps you’ve already experienced it for yourself: your sexual relationship changes when you move in together. That change can be a good one; you’ll see each other more often and can enjoy each other’s bodies more regularly. It can deepen your sexual relationship since you’ll feel more open about discovering your own sexuality as well as your partners because moving in together has confirmed you really were meant for each other.

But it can also be a less pleasant change, a change where sexual contact decreases over time. The sex becomes less ‘spontaneous’. There won’t be as much variety in location and time. A little less variety in your repertoire each time. And each time, a little less privacy to take care of your own sexual needs. This last one is one you don’t think about that much before moving in together, but it can become a source of frustration after a while. Especially when the sexual relationship between you two has become less exciting.

1. Dividing time

In general, when you’re living together, you spend a lot more time together. But the way you used to divide your time is different compared to now. Before moving in together, the time you spent together was quality time. You deliberately went to see each other, did fun things, paid attention and made time for each other. You prepared for when you would meet, and the time between felt like foreplay, especially at the beginning of your relationship. You looked forward to seeing each other, and sex always seemed like an option. But, the moment you’re living together, that quality time changes, at least, it does if you’re not aware that it’s going to change. You’ll spend a lot more time together, during which you won’t consciously pay attention to each other.

2. Charming as always

Also, you won’t be acting as charming all the time anymore, and you’ll even experience moments when your loved one wants you to pay attention to them, but it’s just not a good time for you. These are the moments that will deepen your relationship. The two of you are building the foundation to a long and happy life together. Acceptance and learning to deal with temporary rejection are a part of that. You need these things for a serious relationship. But, for exciting sex, you want someone to be sexy, available and willing.

3. You keep putting it off

There is also the seemingly endless pitfall that we keep falling for over and over: if we don’t feel like or have the time for it tonight, we’ll just do it tomorrow. After all, we’re together then as well. However, when tomorrow comes, you’ll catch yourself thinking the same thing, and before you know it, a week has gone by without any sexual contact. You’ll then reach the point that you think ‘it’s probably time to do it again’, the exact moment in the relationship most couples try to delay for as long as possible. As a matter of principle, because ‘we only want to do it if we really feel like it’, it’s then postponed again.

4. Responsibilities

Living together also comes with a set of responsibilities and, as your relationship progresses, you’ll have even more responsibilities. But this is precisely what you’d want in a loving and happy relationship. However, all of those responsibilities are at the expense of sex: there is still some work to be done, the house is a mess, and we have guests coming over, the administration has to take priority… All tasks that aren’t the least bit arousing and take up a lot of time. There are also people for whom these responsibilities weigh so heavily; they simply don’t have the time to think about sex.

5. Sex is together

In general, couples have trouble finding the time to spend on their own sexuality when they live together. What if your partner hears you watching porn? Or walks in on you while you’re masturbating? Out of convenience or shame, this part is often forgotten. Sex is now something that focuses on the two of you together and not as much on the individual. Even though cherishing that individual sexuality is crucial to maintaining a healthy sexual relationship between you two.

6. Same time, same place

People are creatures of habit. The same is true when they have sex. When people live together, they try to find a rhythm and a new balance, even when it comes to sex. Sex then becomes more of a habit, and if there is one thing sex doesn’t go well with, it’s habit. Again; for a safe relationship, it’s great to have a certain level of predictability in you and your partner’s behaviour. But, to have exciting sex, a bit of unpredictability, variation and curiosity is needed. Changing the time, the context and the location of your sexual contact all make it possible to play with the excitement of your sexual relationship longer.

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