My first time having sex after giving birth

Every person goes through many ‘first times’ in their life, and this includes everything that has to do with sexuality. In our new series ‘My First Time’, women describe their first time: kissing someone of the same sex, having a threesome, having an affair, or having sex under the influence. Linda (37) works for Pabo Magazine as a freelance writer. She kicks off this series with her first time: sex after giving birth.

Insecurity about your body after childbirth

Having sex again after giving birth is not an easy task. I can still clearly remember hearing a man on television say that he didn’t want to witness his child being born. “Because that is like watching your favourite pub burn to the ground.” That remark made me very angry, but also very happy at the same time, because my husband isn’t such a nitwit. A lot of women feel vulnerable after giving birth. And let’s be honest; you have to push a whole infant out of your body. And, we have been told our entire adult life that we should be tight down there.

”A lot of women feel vulnerable after giving birth”

How many porn videos have the words ‘tight’ and ‘young’ in the description? And we haven’t even mentioned mommy makeovers, where the muscles in the vagina are tightened. A remark about a pub burning down isn’t very helpful. Besides a changing belly, stretch marks, stitches, infections, and pain, we also worry (consciously or subconsciously) about whether or not we’re still tight enough for our partner. All in all, having sex for the first time after giving birth is definitely an experience.

Contraception after pregnancy

After you have given birth, a midwife will talk to you about contraception, because you will be fertile again very soon, even if you breastfeed. Are you going to take the pill? Do you want to use a condom for now? Or are you going for a second baby as soon as possible? The latter may sound like something that you don’t want to think about right after giving birth, but that’s the option my husband and I went for. To be honest, immediately after giving birth (and an emergency surgery), I thought: I’m never doing this again. But after spending two weeks with my small, calm, and cuddly baby, I thought: maybe it’s a good thing to go through it a second time as soon as possible. Having two children in a short period of time seemed liked the best choice for us.

Also read: No more sex after childbirth: fact or myth?

When can you have sex again?

Every woman’s needs is different. The same goes for when she wants to have sex again after giving birth. Gynaecologists recommend waiting at least six weeks. There is a wound in your uterus caused by the placenta that needs to heal first in order to prevent infections. Also, after six weeks most of your stitches will have healed as well. If you had an episiotomy or a vaginal tear, or if you’re still losing blood after six weeks, it’s a good idea to wait a little longer.

Talk about your fears

My absolute biggest fear when it came to giving birth and having sex again for the first time after that was that it would hurt. I was able to talk about this with my partner and that’s something I would recommend to every woman. Especially if you’re into wild, rough sex, it’s important to communicate well and tell your partner that he or she has to take it slow. But of course your partner probably already thought of that.

Having sex for the first time after childbirth

My first time having sex after I had given birth was about six weeks after my baby was born. Not because I had to, but because I felt that I was ready for it. At the same time, I was extremely nervous. About the pain, my changing body with all its marks and big belly, and my vagina. Because I expressed my doubts and fears, my husband was extra nice to me.

I don’t know why, but we did it on the sofa

I remember it well: we did it on the sofa. I don’t know why. Maybe because our baby was asleep in our bedroom? I thought it was important for me to get as wet as possible, so we went for an extended foreplay. Fingering didn’t hurt, so I was confident enough to try penetration.

Does it hurt?

The fact that it didn’t hurt at all made me feel a little more confident between the sheets and that confidence continued to grow. I now realise how important good foreplay actually is. I wanted to prevent pain in any way I could, so I wanted to be as wet as possible before we started penetration. In hindsight, I haven’t always been wet enough in the past, which made penetration painful for me. Never again! My wish to get pregnant again as soon as possible made me even more motivated to have sex. I can’t remember a single time where I felt any pain during sex after giving birth to my first child. Although I was fearful at first, I look back at it with a positive feeling.

Our plan was successful by the way: when our son was five months old, I got pregnant again. The age gap between our two children is only fourteen months and the time for diapers has long past by now.