Column: sexuality during various life cycles

I meet them in my practice every week: women talking about changes in their sexuality. Surrounded with questions, incomprehension, and uncertainty. They lose some of their confidence in their own bodies or make assumptions based on myths and core beliefs. Like: once you become a mother, sex loses its function and your libido drops. And: if you’re going through menopause, you’re getting old and old people don’t have sex. But nothing could be further from the truth.

Some time ago, I wrote that sexuality is something that is constantly changing. It’s like the changing of the seasons: it’s unavoidable, but every season is beautiful in a different way. The same goes for sexuality: every change has a certain beauty, but as always, change also comes with uncertainty. The uncertainty of the unknown. That uncertainty can invoke feelings of shame and discomfort, because: it this normal? Is this right for me? Am I allowed to experience it like that? The answer to all these questions is yes! Without a doubt.

Sexuality is ever-changing. Especially during various phases in life, your sexuality probably wants to explore different things. A new phase can come with major life events like a new relationship, pregnancy, having children, saying goodbye to a loved one, or getting older. But there are also phases that come with small, yet profound life changes: stress at work, broken friendships, moving to a new home, or a body that doesn’t feel right. You, your body, and your sexuality have to constantly adapt. You have to move with those changes time and time again and find a way to express it the right way. That takes time, attention, love, and compassion.

Give yourself room to do that and don’t forget to have compassion for yourself, for your own sexuality. Embrace the uncertainty and insecurity you experience and make sure they don’t take control over your sexuality out of shame. Explore what your sexuality needs and find out how hormones influence your body and mind. Hormones play an important part in us as sexual beings, but women rarely take this into account. Learn more about it instead of punishing yourself for the changes you observe but don’t understand, changes that you judge yourself for instead of embracing them as part of womanhood. You, as a woman, will always continue to change. Move along with those changes and you will find yourself in the most beautiful places.