Column: A sexual journey

Outside it’s grey and rainy. There is a lot of movement outside in nature, just like in her body and mind. She is in transition: her whole sexuality is in motion. Up until this summer she felt as if it would stay the same forever: she was stuck. On one end she enjoyed the comfort of what she knew, but on the other, she wanted something more as well.

And now it all seems to come together with the change of the seasons: the inevitability of the changing of the seasons seems to mimic her transformation. She feels as if she isn’t in control, but she doesn’t realize that she actually has been working towards this transition in these last couple of months.

She is glowing, insecure but proud. She is finally starting to get in touch with her own sexuality, a new piece of sexuality. She always had been sexually active, but it always existed within the comfort and predictability of what she and her girlfriend had built up. Together they are extremely loving and they are endlessly crazy about each other, but the sex just wasn’t keeping up with the speed and fun of different aspects of their lives.

Until this very moment. Before, it seemed as if nothing would ever move again, no matter how much time she spent exploring her sexuality. But now it seems as if it is in motion, without her having too much control over it. She had been exploring different resources on sexuality for over a year now. She read about it, she listened to podcasts, and she had different kinds of conversations about sexuality. She went on an adventure, sometimes by herself, and sometimes together with her girlfriend. And until a couple of weeks ago, she felt as if she was stuck, as if she was waiting for the change of the seasons: you know that it will come eventually, but when does it really happen? Is it really coming or are we in for a beautiful, endless Indian summer?

And now, in the comfort of the consultation room, everything felt different: it was time. She felt different. She felt as if she was more in touch with her own sexuality. She felt curious about everything that is still out there for her to discover.

And what had been so important for the both of them is the fact that they weren’t rushing it. Yes, she really wanted to change their sexual relationship, but she wasn’t in a hurry. They both understood that it would take a while and that they had to be patient, just like they had to make it a priority to a certain degree. The request for help came from one of the two partners, but it would impact both of them. And so her girlfriend facilitated her search, while she herself had to keep in the mind that things would be different for her as well. And with this as a starting point, they both entered into this adventure. Completely at ease and without any rush, because just like the change of the seasons, discovering your sexuality can’t be hurried along. It will come as soon as you are ready for it.