Autumn blues

Cold, grey, and rainy days. Those are perfect days for crawling under a blanket on the sofa, or staying in bed all morning with your lover, right? Well, those cold, grey, and rainy days actually aren’t always beneficial to your sexual or intimate relationship.

Have you ever heard of the autumn blues? Maybe you have, or maybe by reading this, you finally understand what has been going on with you all those years during this time of the year. If you have the autumn blues, your energy level is lower than normal, you are tired more often, and you might not feel as happy as usual during this seasonal transition from summer to autumn. This has got to do with the days getting darker, as there aren’t as many daily hours of sunlight in autumn as there are in summer. Daylight stimulates the production of serotonin in our bodies. Serotonin is a hormone that is largely responsible for the regulation of our mood and our sleep pattern, as well as our appetite.

While daylight stimulates the production of serotonin, the production of melatonin kicks in when the sun goes down. Melatonin regulates your sleep. If it gets dark sooner, we don’t get as much hours of daylight, which means that your serotonin production decreases, but your melatonin production increases. Your biological rhythm is disrupted in the transition from summer to autumn, generally causing changes in mood and energy levels. Your melatonin production is much higher and stretches out over a longer period of time, and your serotonin production is much lower and doesn’t start until late in the morning during autumn, in contrast to early in the morning like in summer when the sun rises early. Because of this, you’ll be more tired when your alarm goes off in the morning and you’ll remain sleepy for a longer period of time.

Both the evenings and mornings are darker, and therefore it might be a bit of challenge to initiate an exciting, loving, sexual encounter: when we’re tired and have less energy, we don’t necessarily feel sexual. And furthermore, it’s even more challenging now to find a balance in the timing of feeling the need for sex, especially when one of you struggles more with the seasonal change.

So be aware of the impact that autumn has on you and your relationship. It’s very possible that your need for sex decreases, but your need for safety, security, and intimacy increases. Give yourself some space for these kind of changes, but do try to talk about it to make sure that changes within your sexual relationship won’t cause any tension, but instead can be seen as a normal, but unavoidable process.

Enjoy skin to skin contact with your partner on the sofa or in bed and experience this kind of intimacy as part of your sexual relationship, without it always developing into actually having sex. Also keep in mind that it might take a bit longer, or a bit more effort, to turn your sexual self ‘on’ during this time of the year. Take your time and be even more aware of your sexuality and what it needs to activate your sexual system. Especially now, it’s even more important than usual to embrace it with care.

Your individual health can put your relationship under great stress as well if you’re suffering from mood changes and a disruption in your sleeping pattern. When we’re tired, or don’t have as much energy, we seem less capable of communicating in a way that is constructive, loving, and full of empathy. You might also feel like you’re being criticized more than usual. It’s good to realize what kind of influence the autumn blues has on your health and therefore on your relationship. It shouldn’t be used as an excuse for not listening, not being involved in your relationship, or being short-tempered, but it can definitely worsen these kind of behaviors.

To end on a little note for those to whom the autumn blues feels like it’s never ending: for some people the changes in mood, sleep, and energy levels are too substantial to deal with alone, meaning that they can’t function normally in their day to day lives. If this is the case, it’s possible that they are suffering from a seasonal affective disorder. There are some things you can do to improve your health, but if you can’t manage it by yourself, please don’t hesitate to ask a therapist or your GP for help.