Long distance relationship: what is it and is it right for you?

Long distance relationships are increasingly common. Many people consider these kinds of relationships to be old-fashioned or only suitable for divorced men and women who have started dating again. But nothing could be further from the truth. Living apart together, which is what a long distance relationship stands for, has its benefits. You have plenty of room for yourself, you are unlikely to take each other for granted, and sex is more exciting. However, you do have to try harder than most other people to make your relationship work. How do you do that exactly?

Long distance relationship: living apart together

If you’re in a long distance relationship, you and your partner live apart by choice. There can be various reasons for this. For example, if you live in London and your partner lives in Birmingham, and neither one of you wants to move, you can choose to stay where you are. This can be very practical if one of you has children from a previous relationship, but also if you don’t want to add more time to your daily commute for example.  People who are in a long distance relationship are usually together during the weekend. The most common reason for living apart together is the freedom it provides and having a place for yourself. It allows for space in a relationship and for some people that can be a great relief.

Living apart together: space for yourself and more advantages

A successful long distance relationship offers balance between living your own life and being emotionally involved with each other. So if you need to have some space for yourself and you realise that having only one room in the house where you can be alone to rest or meditate is not enough for you, you could consider a long distance relationship. This kind of relationship has many advantages.

Longing for your partner

Because you see less of your partner, your relationship will remain passionate for a longer period of time. You look forward to falling back in your partners arms again at the end of the week. Small annoyances, like socks lying on the floor, don’t matter as much. After all, you’ll leave again at the end of the weekend. This way your relationship remains fun and exciting.

More space for you and your kids

If one of you, or both you, have children from a previous relationship, a long distance relationship can be a good choice. Not everyone wants to move in with a new partner who has children, especially if there is a large age gap between your children and your partner’s children. You can raise your kids on your own, you don’t need anyone to meddle in it. Living apart from your partner can give you the space you need to do that.

Having your own house as back-up

An increasing number of young people don’t think it’s necessary to live together with their partner and prefer to live apart. That definitely has its advanatges: if the relationship ends, you still have your own place. Also, you can decorate your home any way you like.

You never have to explain yourself

A long distance relationship has more advantages: you don’t have to explain everything you do. Living apart leaves room for you to do your own thing: enjoying your hobbies, going out with friends without feeling obligated to go home at a decent hour, or watching Netflix for hours without anyone judging you. You can cook all your favourite meals without having to take someone else into account.

What are the cons of a long distance relationship?

People often incorrectly assume that long distance relationships are fun all the time. The risk of living apart together is not resolving underlying problems or simply ignoring them. Or dealing with emotional events on your own or not dealing with them at all, even though these are the things that would strengthen the connection with your partner if you work on them together. Don’t fool yourself, a long distance relationship also requires hard work. Like in any other relationship, communication is key. Many people also consider hauling belongings back and forth a disadvantage of living apart from your partner.

How do you keep a long distance relationship healthy?

In any relationship with any partner, you always have to work hard to keep the relationship healthy. This is also the case with living apart together. There are three things you need to make a long distance relationship work: give and take, respect each other, and accommodate your partner every now and then. Also, it’s important to make time for each other. When you don’t see each other that much, there is a chance that you will grow apart. Always keep communicating with each other. Let your partner know what you like about them and how much you love them, but also tell them what annoys you. Only then you can both work on feeling intimately connected to each other, even though you don’t live together.

This is what you can learn from living apart together

Even if you can’t imagine why anyone would choose a long distance relationship, you can definitely still learn from it. The most important aspects that make long distance relationships work are also the essential things that keep ‘regular’ relationships healthy:

• Being emotionally resilient;
• Being strong;
• Being self-sufficient;
• Being independent, not just emotionally, but also financially for example;
• Creating space for yourself to do what makes you happy.

Sex in a long distance relationship: not spontaneous, but very exciting

A disadvantage of not living together is not being able to have sex spontaneously. However, you always feel that excitement of knowing that you will see your partner again in a few days and that you will have hot and steamy sex then. The trick is to keep it fun! And some sex toys and other accessories can give your sexual adventures a nice boost:

• When you pack your bags at the end of the week, definitely don’t forget your favourite lubricant;
• And, if you use them, also bring condoms;
• Go for toys that increase sexual sensation, like a good vibrator or a vibrating butt plug;
• Regularly try some new things: experience what it’s like for example to trust each other blindly with some bondage accessories.