The effects of moving in together on your sex life

Moving in together is a big step. You’ll now get to see each other a lot more often, which, of course, is a huge plus. On the other hand, you’ll also have to deal with each other’s annoying habits more often. You know, like throwing the dirty socks next to the laundry basket instead of into it. But something you probably haven’t considered yet is how it will affect your sex life. This takes a hit with almost all couples that move in together. So how do you keep things exciting?

What constitutes a healthy sex life?

What’s considered a healthy sex life? Having sex more than the average amount (about three times a month)? Or finding a good rhythm that works for you both? Many people feel pressure: because they have less sex than others, for example, or because they think they’re not kinky enough in the bedroom. Is this justified? Not as far as we’re concerned! If you and your partner are happy with your sex life, then that’s all that counts. According to the University of Texas, feeling confident about your body can contribute to a healthy sex life. Because it means you’ll worry less about your insecurities during sex.

Also read: The new normal: Sexy without insecurities

Effects of moving in together on your sex life

Boxes to unpack, your partner’s dirty underwear, lounging about in sweatpants: there are countless reasons your sex life may take a hit after moving in together. And if you can identify them, you can tackle them head on, should you feel the need to.

The stress of moving

Don’t start panicking if you find yourself having a lower sex drive after you move in together. You’ve just packed your life into boxes, you’ve made compromises, you’ve spent a lot of money on your mortgage or rent, and you’ve just spent days assembling an entire IKEA store. All in the hope that it’ll be worth it! It’s only logical that you’re tired and stressed out and that you’d rather hit the hay than get it on with your partner. Moving in together is not all champagne and roses. The reality is that you have to find your bearings as a couple, to avoid arguments when paying the bills or cleaning the kitchen. You may find it useful to schedule a weekly sit-down moment to discuss the household. How are things going? Is there room for improvement? If everything works out, you’ll soon find yourselves settling into a new rhythm.

It’s become too easy

When you’re dating and not living together, sex is a priority. It’s only logical, because you haven’t seen each other in a while and your partner will be sleeping in their own bed tonight. That sense of urgency can disappear when you’re with your partner all day and sleep in the same bed at night. You no longer have to wait until your flatmates leave to finally have a moment alone. You can theoretically have sex at any time you like now. And that’s great, but it’s important to free up some time for it, too. Want to spice things up a bit? Try seducing your partner for a quickie before work in the morning.

Also read: Want to keep your sex life interesting? Try BDSM!

You’re always together

When you’re in love, you want to spend all your time with your partner. But when you live together, you may be spending a little too much time together. After the honeymoon period, the notion of quality time can lose all meaning. It’s important for your personal development to maintain your own life, separate from your partner. Meet up with friends, keep going to your own gym, give each other the freedom to explore new hobbies and the privacy to do them in your own home. By not spending every second of the day together, you can reignite that desire. And, by exploring, we also mean sexual exploration. Just because you’re living together, that doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t masturbate, for example. In fact, this actually has a positive effect on your sex life because it allows you to discover what you like.

You’re too comfortable with each other

I mentioned them earlier: the dirty socks and underwear that don’t seem to find their way to the laundry basket. When you move in together, you’re suddenly faced with the harsh reality: your partner is only human. One that leaves skid marks on the toilet or sits on the couch in their sweatpants all evening. It’s great to feel comfortable around your partner. But it’s also important to make an effort. Do you want to leave something for the imagination? Then don’t go for a wee while the other is showering right next to you. And try dressing up once in a while instead of always lounging around in your onesie.

You’re just not in the mood (and that’s okay)

You’re not always in the mood for sex. And that’s completely normal. Women especially need more time to get excited. Add to that our monthly periods and many women don’t feel like having sex when they’re menstruating. And while you’ve taken the time to shower, shave your legs and put on sexy underwear before a date, in day-to-day life, you’re not always prepared for sex. We’re not saying that you have to get all dolled up before sex, we’re saying it can only contribute to your self-confidence. Something fun to try out as a couple is a weekly date night. Some couples even schedule when to have sex, because they’re always so busy. This may work for some couples and not for others. The trick is finding the right balance that works for you as a couple.