The new normal: sexy without insecurities

Uncertainties: who doesn’t have them? Thankfully, we live in a time when society is becoming more diverse and inclusive. Nevertheless, we’re confronted with ideal images and standards that most people cannot meet on a daily basis. And there’s just no need for that: you’re good enough just the way you are. The new normal is sexy without insecurities. How can you achieve that?

Sexy without insecurities

Insecurity is caused by comparing yourself with others. I already wrote about it recently: over 70% of women are dissatisfied with their breasts. By comparing your own breasts with those of others, you’re really selling yourself short. You can always find someone who has what you want: larger breasts, longer legs, a flatter stomach, different hair, a more even skin complexion, or other features that you think are more beautiful. We have a lot of things to say about our bodies. And that’s not all: we also want to cook better, be smarter, earn more money, pay more attention to family and friends, exercise more and, of course, be sexier. The list of what’s “not right” can seem endless. And that’s a shame, because I’ll say it again: you’re good enough, just the way you are.

Supermodels as role models

If you are like me and were born in the 1980s, supermodels like Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington, Cindy Crawford, Kate Moss, and Claudia Schiffer were probably your teen role models. They were the women you saw in advertisements and magazines. It was no easy task to live up to the Big Six dream – that much is clear. Cindy Crawford once said: “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford”.  In other words, the model Cindy looks different to the person she really is. Even today, with 4 billion social media users alone, it’s not easy to escape certain ideals. It’s logical that this plays into your insecurities. How can you best deal with this?

Diversity is key

More and more often, you see models in advertisements who deviate from the old norm in which everyone is young, white, and thin. We’re not only talking about models with a different skin colour, but also about people of a different age, more diverse family structures and, for example, people with a stoma, people in a wheelchair, and people who are not a size small. By seeing more different people on social media and in traditional media, we become more aware that everyone is different, and that everyone is allowed to be themselves. And of course, that you’re not only beautiful and sexy if you meet the standards I described above.

Reading tip: What’s ageism and how do you recognise it?

Sexy without insecurities: how can you work on it?

Sexy without insecurities: something we all want, but how do you achieve it? By working on your own insecurities. And we don’t mean that you have to change your body – we encourage you to grow a more positive mindset and feel better about yourself. Building self-confidence can be done in the following ways.

Affirm your self-worth

When we talk about self-worth, we’re not talking about money, but about how you feel about yourself. Look at all the things you do well. It doesn’t have to be big and compelling, there are countless good things you do in a day. Think for example of holding the door open for a colleague or helping the neighbour with their groceries. Appreciate the good things you do, no matter how small they are. You can challenge negative thoughts by asking if you would be as critical if a friend expressed these thoughts about herself. Often, you’re more critical of yourself than of the people you care about.

Take care of your own needs first

Many women have a habit of taking care of others before they take care of themselves. This is just not necessary! Take care of what YOU need first, then you’ll be better able to take care of others. Self-love is very important, especially since we’re all very busy. Self-love can be manifested as follow:

• Eat healthy meals.
• Pamper your body with a facial or massage.
• Exercise for 30 minutes every day.
• Enjoy an offline activity, such as reading a book.
• Take a break from social media if it has a negative impact on you.
• Have compassion for yourself: be kind when talking to and about yourself.
• Satisfy your sexual needs or explore what you like. Sexy without insecurities starts with knowing what you like and this is best discovered on your own.
• Beautiful lingerie can help women feel more confident, even if no one’s going to see it that day. It makes you feel more powerful to know that you know something exciting under your regular work clothes.

Reading tip: Self-pleasure guide for a rainy day

Spend time with people you care about

There’s nothing better than spending your free time with people who care about you. Whether it’s family or friends, they’ll give you the support you need and accept who you are. This is good for your self-confidence. Try to be around the most important people in your life often.

Accept compliments

Stop waving away compliments and start accepting them. If you want to become sexy without insecurities, say “thank you” when someone makes a nice comment. It’s also a good idea to write down compliments, for example in a note on your phone. If you feel insecure, you can read the compliments again. Don’t limit yourself to compliments from colleagues, but also things your partner says to you in bed.

Focus on positive things

Celebrate your successes and be proud of yourself if you’ve achieved something at work, for example. It can feel crazy to be so proud of yourself, but it’s very effective for building up your self-esteem. In this way, it’s easier to suppress negative thoughts about yourself.

Sexy without insecurities: I like myself!

It’s a good self-confidence exercise to write down 3 things you like about yourself every day. This can be an external feature, but also a character trait or something good you’ve done. Are you wearing a sexy lingerie set? Then look at what you like about it and not what you don’t like. Also remember that your partner has chosen you because you are who you are, not because they want to change you. The belly you’re so bothered by? The other person doesn’t even notice. It’s a waste of time to worry about it and to feel insecure about it.

Accept that life can be awkward sometimes

Getting red cheeks when you walk into a party where you don’t know anyone, or the embarrassment when you stumble in the street – everyone finds themselves in an uncomfortable situation from time to time. This is just part of life and it’s best to embrace it. This will give you more self-confidence, which in turn will make you feel less uncomfortable in the next awkward situation.