Why do we dream about sex?

Dreams about having sex with your ex, cheating on your partner with your boss, or having sex with a close friend: you may feel a little disturbed when you wake up. But don’t worry, many people dream about sex and those dreams are almost always more innocent than you think.

Dreaming about sex is normal

Have you ever dreamt about having sex with someone you really don’t like? Or about an intense sexual experience with your ex, even though you’re very happy with your current partner? This is completely normal. In fact, almost everyone has sex dreams, even though some have more than others. Experts say sex dreams often coincide with changes in your life.

Why do I dream about sex?

A study with 3,500 participants shows that sex dreams generally can be tied to one of these five situations:

1. You’re in love

If you’re attracted to someone or if you’re in love, it’s not that strange that you dream about that person. Perhaps some day that dream will come true!

Also read: The science behind falling in love

2. You’re a creative person

Creativity and sex often go hand in hand. Research shows that people who have sex often are more creative than people who don’t have that much sex. Dreaming about sex therefore often seems to indicate a creative breakthrough.

3. You haven’t had sex in a long time

Dreaming about sex often doesn’t have a literal meaning. But if you haven’t had sex in a long time, a sex dream can be a sign that you really want to have sex. So, seduce your partner or go for great solo sex.

4. You need a change

As we said before, sex dreams can indicate that you’re ready for change in your life. If you dream about having sex with your boss, maybe you’re looking for a new job? Perhaps you dream about having passionate sex with that sexy bartender, because your own boyfriend is a little boring. Whatever you decide to do with your dream, that’s up to you.

5. You admire someone

That decisive colleague or that singer you’ve been a fan of for years can suddenly make an appearance in a sexy dream. Don’t be alarmed if you dream about your best friend: it can simply be a sign that you admire him or her.

What do my sex dreams mean?

Sex dreams often have a different meaning than you would think at first. Psychologist and sexologist dr. Janet Brito explains: “Your dreams are like an inner voice to guide you. They show you what is invisible to you, ‘comment’ on your life, and offer symbolic images that you can explore further on your own.” The meaning of your sex dreams isn’t easy to figure out and it’s different for each person. Therefore Brito suggests that it’s better to focus on the symbolism behind your dreams. “If you dream about sex, try to find the beginning, the middle, and the end. Focus on your emotions in the dream and especially on how the dream ends. Your sex dream tries to reveal emotions that you miss in your life.”

Dr. Pam Spurr, psychologist and author of the book Sex Dreams and Symbols – Understanding Your Subconscious Desires explains how to interpret the following dreams:

Dreams about sex with your ex

This dream can mean two things: either you’re not over your ex or there are things that haven’t been resolved yet. It’s possible that you still have some issues you have to talk about together and your subconscious tries to tell you this. Maybe it’s a good idea to go talk to your ex?

Dreams about having an affair

If you wake up after a sexy dream where you cheat on your partner, you don’t have to panic. This doesn’t mean that your relationship is bad. It is possible however that there is something that you’re missing in your relationship. If you can discover what that is, you can talk about it with your partner.

Do you dream about your partner cheating on you? This kind of dream can make you paranoid, but that isn’t necessary! Usually this dream means that you don’t think you’re good enough yourself. A little more confidence and recognition for your own qualities can’t hurt.

Sex with someone that doesn’t fit your sexual preference

Example: you’re a woman in a relationship with another woman. Still, you dream about being tied up by a group of men and being pleasured by them. Bas Klinkhamer describes this example in his book Dreams and Nightmares. The conclusion? The woman in question wasn’t really looking for a group of men to have sex with, but for someone else to take control in the bedroom for once. In her own relationship, she was always the one taking the initiative.

”It’s important to focus on the symbolism behind dreams.”

Apparently, many women have sex dreams about other women, even if they identify as heterosexual. A dream like that can be born out of admiration, as explained before, or because you are comfortable with your femininity.

Dreams about sex with a stranger

If you’re not the type that enjoys one-night stands, it can be confusing if you dream about having sex with a sexy stranger. What your subconscious is probably trying to tell you is that it can’t hurt to be a little more assertive and to make your own rules instead of always being a follower.

Sex dream about a celebrity

How great is it to wake up after an intense lovemaking session with a famous singer or actor? I admit that I’ve woken up disappointed after one of those dreams in the past because it was just a dream. This dream is simple to explain: you have a crush on a celebrity. What it can also mean is that you long for success and are looking for recognition from other people.

Dreams about sex with a family member

If you dream about sex with your brother-in-law or cousin for example, we can imagine that this feel a bit alarming. But don’t be afraid: the dream simply tells you that you want to be closer to that person. It’s just that this manifests itself in your dream in an unfortunate way.

A wet dream

When it comes to wet dreams or sleep orgasms you probably think about boys going through puberty. Even though that is in fact the largest group of ‘wet dreamers’, many adult men and women have orgasms in their sleep as well.

Wet dreams among men

Boys and men can spontaneously ejaculate in their sleep, which is called a wet dream. It’s possible that this wakes the boy or man up, but that doesn’t have to be the case. They only notice it the next morning when they look at the bed sheets or their underwear. Wet dreams often occur during puberty, but it can also happen among young adults or adults. It seems to be the case that boys and men who generally don’t have a lot of orgasms are more likely to have wet dreams. 83% of all men in the US supposedly has had a wet dream at some point in their life.

Wet dreams among women

Female wet dreams are not as well-known, but women can have wet dreams too. You’ll notice that you’ve had a wet dream if you wake up with a wet vagina. It’s even possible that you wake up during the orgasm. Some scientists only call it a wet dream if a women wakes up while having the orgasm. A study by Barbara L. Wells in 1986, published in the Journal of Sex Research, shows that 85% of women has had a wet dream before they were 21. This research also defined a wet dream as waking up during the orgasm by the way.