10 first date dealbreakers

You’ve met someone on a dating site or app a while back and now it’s time for the first date. Fun! But also very daunting. In the age of dating apps, people are often just looking for sex. And there is nothing wrong with that, but what if you are looking for a serious relationship? How do you know if you should go on a second date or not? We have listed ten first date dealbreakers.

First date dealbreakers

Talking about your ex, demanding that your date pays for dinner, or simply discovering that you’re not a good match: there are a lot of dealbreakers that can come up during your first date. We’ve compiled the most well-known conversation stoppers: things you shouldn’t say on your first date. We’ve also added the most important first date dealbreakers.

1. Dealbreakers: talking about your ex or your children

Nobody wants to hear stories about a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who was insecure and jealous. Or about the father of your children who doesn’t pay his alimony on time. Your ex is a no-go subject on your first date. There is nothing less romantic than talking about a former lover, or talking about your kids. Of course you can mention you have children. But just don’t show your date all the pictures you have of them on your phone. This isn’t the right time. Rather, talk about your similarities, such as hobbies or travelling.

2. Talking about future plans

This is one of the most frequent dealbreakers: a man or a woman who immediately lays out all their plans for the future. And we’re not talking about discussing the possibility of a second date, but about wanting to have a family, and a dog, and a mortgage. When you tell your date you want to move in together and become pregnant within a year, then you put your date under a lot of pressure. Live right now and enjoy the moment: focus on your date.

3. Drinking too much

Don’t drink too much alcohol during your date. It might be easier for you to have a serious conversation with someone when you’ve had a couple of drinks, but it is important to find out if you like each other when you are both sober. Accept your nervousness, order one or two drinks if you want, but make sure you’re not drunk by the end of the date. Firstly, that’s not very attractive, and secondly, chances are that your boundaries become less clear. Which can lead to you talking about subjects you might not want to talk about. Research shows that alcohol and drug abuse is not just a dealbreaker on a first date, but when you are in a long-lasting relationship as well. Even dating a smoker – if you don’t smoke yourself – can be a difficult challenge.

4. Sex: yes or no?

Talking about sex or sleeping together after the first date is a real no-go if your goal is to build a lasting relationship. It’s good to know what your partner has to offer, but it can also feel really cheap to end up in bed together after the first date. If you and your partner are madly in love with each other, but you can’t make it work in the bedroom, then there are always tips and tricks you can learn to make the situation in the bedroom more enjoyable. Try giving your date a nice compliment instead of alluding to sex. Tell them they are smart or gorgeous instead of simply saying they’re hot.

5. The bill: what to do with it?

As the TV show First Dates shows: there are often discussions about the bill. This is one of the dealbreakers you can encounter on a first date. Research shows that both men and women think men should pay for the first date.

Think about what you would like to do with the bill and whether it is worth a discussion. If your date is cute and he or she wants to split the bill, while you wanted to pay for it yourself, just split the bill and tell your date that you will pay for the next date. If you don’t feel comfortable with what your date proposes, make it known without getting angry or annoyed. When choosing a place to go for your date, pick a place that you can afford. Our advice: always offer to pay your share of the bill. That is the most honest approach.

6. Don’t touch on sensitive subjects

Discussions aren’t very charming and they are unnecessary on a first date. Politics and religion can be touchy subjects if you both have different ideas and opinions. So you might want to steer clear of these topics.

7. Fanatic athletes versus couch potatoes

For an athlete, it can be very difficult to understand that you just want to sit on the couch and watch Tempatation Island when you come from work. While the other is working up a sweat, you’re eating an entire bag of crisps. To each it’s own of course. Still, it is important to realise that this can be a dealbreaker. Because how are you going to spend a potential holiday together if you want to lie on the beach all day while your partner wants to climb a mountain? And will you have to spend each weekend attending sports games when you would rather go shopping?

8. Workaholic versus part-time worker

Do you work 80 hours a day and does your date tell you that three days a week is sufficient for them? This could be a dealbreaker. If you are not very motivated to work and the other person is a workaholic, then chances are you won’t be attracted to each other. Workaholics can understand situations where their partner has to work overtime again or when he or she takes a laptop with them on holiday. However, people who are part-time workers often have different priorities, like their family.

9. First date dealbreakers: lying

Everyone is looking for a partner that doesn’t lie. If you catch your date in a lie, such as they are using a photo from five years ago as their profile picture, or if they still have a partner, ask for an explanation. They can’t give you one? That can be a sign you should pack your things and go home to protect yourself. Because if someone lies on a first date, how honest are they likely to be in a relationship?

10. Bad hygiene or unattractiveness

You definitely don’t have to look like a model to find a partner. However, good hygiene is important. Someone who doesn’t smell nice or looks unkempt is not deamed very attractive. Dirty nails, greasy hair, and the smell of sweat are all dealbreakers on a first date. Take a shower before going on your date, brush your teeth, and wear your favourite perfume. When you smell nice, your date will be much more attracted to you.