Sex education and pop culture: a golden combo!

Films, TV shows, music videos, video games, advertisements, and posters: sex is everywhere. At the same time, it’s a taboo to talk about it too much. Even sex education in school curricula sometimes seem hopelessly like the 1950s. But what does pop culture teach us about the birds and the bees?

What’s the status of sex education?

Erm, it’s not great. If we’re to believe young people, sex education in schools is still woefully old-fashioned. In 2019, two Dutch research programmes and a radio station wanted to improve sex education and make it more fun with a special campaign. They asked 2,000 young people how they would rate sex education at their schools. The average? A 5.8 out of 10. And that’s bad news!

The clitoris doesn’t exist

Schools owed this terrible rating mainly to the limited view of sexuality that they offered. According to young people, the lessons only dealt with STDs, contraceptives, getting pregnant, and sex between men and women. The pleasure of sex? That was studiously avoided. Love between people of the same sex was not discussed either, and talk about masturbation seemed to be non-existent.

The same is true for the clitoris. In terms of imagery, the penis was depicted in all its glory, but the image of the vulva only showed the ovaries. There were even lecturers who considered the female orgasm irrelevant because it had nothing to do with reproduction. The research caused quite a stir and led to some good results: several biology books have now been adapted to include an extensive discussion of the clitoris.

Promoting sexual abstinence

This example is not an isolated case. An American study showed that half of the young people who participated gave their sex education a failing grade. This is worrying, as half of those high school students are already having sex. According to the documentary Let’s talk about sex, 10,000 teenagers contract STDs, 2,400 girls become pregnant unintentionally, and 55 young people are infected with HIV… every day.

At the same time, sex education in the United States is getting worse every day. Only 24 states make sex education compulsory, and only half of all high schools follow the programme set by the CDC, the state-run centre for disease and prevention. In several states, conservative schools even promote sexual abstinence to reduce risks, so safe sex already seems like a step too far. They’d say that it’s better to be a virgin than live with terrible consequences.

Pop culture as a source of sex education

Many young people seek their information in other places, such as pop culture. They’ve been doing this for years, actually. In the 1980s, girls discovered how dangerous unsafe sex could be when Penny in Dirty Dancing had an illegal abortion performed by some butcher. A decade later, we learned to enjoy sex shamelessly thanks to Samantha Jones in Sex and the City. And today, TV shows about sex can be found everywhere on streaming channels, with Sex Education as the shining highlight.

The sexual representation in Sex Education is great. But before we got that far, we had to wade through decades of role-affirming, misogynistic, and heteronormative misery. For a long time, shows and films gave off a completely outdated idea of sexuality. In order to comply with cultural norms, pleasure in sex was mercilessly punished and stereotypes were shamelessly perpetuated.

Because who gets killed first in a slasher film? The slut. And who’s by default the last one standing? The innocent virgin.

Persistent sexual myths

And that’s a shame. Because, let’s face it, Hollywood could be a fantastic source of sex education. Instead, they let sexual myths run rampant. Condoms are never in the picture, the virgin girl is the star of the screen, and the first time you have sex is always satisfying, enjoyed in a bed full of rose petals.

Of course, love scenes are not meant to teach but to entertain. And that’s fine, but not when entire generations learn the wrong things about sex. These are the most persistent fabrications that the film and television world has presented to us in recent decades:

• Foreplay is unnecessary: We can see two teenagers kissing, and then they’re suddenly naked and getting it on straight away. But for most people, foreplay is an important part of sex. Especially for girls and women who need a bit more to get their bodies ready for penetration. We really can’t just snap our fingers and, voilà, the moisture gushes out of our vaginas. Still, this is certainly depicted in films and TV shows. Somehow, these girls and women scream out in pleasure instead of pain when a penis enters their vagina right away. Unrealistic? Quite so.
• Women orgasm extremely fast: For women on the big screen, the penis is the gateway to an intense orgasm. We see them panting for about 20 seconds while a guy lies on top of them, and then they come to a perfectly trembling climax, often simultaneously with the man. Because of this kind of false narrative, many boys think that a girl is already about to come when they make their first move. And although girls know better, they do doubt their sexual capacities if they don’t spontaneously climax when a penis enters them. The truth is disappointing: just 20% of women come through vaginal penetration, and the clitoris remains the key to the female orgasm. But which film puts the spotlight on that pleasure spot?
• Pleasing men is the goal: Admittedly, there are TV shows and films in which oral sex on women is freely practised. Some shows and films even ridicule typical macho men, who don’t want to engage in that. Think of the hilarious scene in The Sopranos where mob boss Tony makes a half-hearted attempt, and his wife Carmela mockingly asks him if another year has gone by. Still, cunnilingus is generally not a given in mainstream productions. Blow jobs, on the other hand, are something that female characters should at least be open to. This is how many productions allude to the illusion that pleasing men is the ultimate goal of sex.
• Heterosexual intercourse: Sex in films and TV shows is most often between men and women. While the portrayal of sex has become more inclusive in recent years, that does not change the fact that most sex on TV is between cis men and cis women. Newsflash: sex is not just for white, straight people, it’s for everyone. No matter what race, gender, or sexual preference you have. Fortunately, things are changing. TV shows like Girls and Orange is the New Black are making it clear that you don’t necessarily need a penis to climax. The gay sex scene in Years and Years was also ground breaking. For once, this show was not about hysterical excesses, but about 2 regular men in a regular relationship who simply enjoyed anal sex. Nothing was depicted as problematic, and nobody got AIDS either.
• Sex is always smooth: Our screens rarely show uncomfortable moments. Sex is always passionate, smooth sailing. We see close-ups of sweaty, tight bodies, and pink tongues licking seductively their partner’s red lips. Realistic? Not really. Sex in real life is often messy, especially if it’s your first time. Your hair gets messy, you fall out of bed, you accidentally fart, your cellulite is on full display, and your face doesn’t look like a photoshopped Victoria’s Secret Angel during orgasm either. Still, that doesn’t mean messy sex is less sexy. On the contrary, it’s more pleasurable, more intimate, and so much more fun than sex that tries to live up to some inflated TV ideal.

Tip: check out our on sex scenes in binge-worthy TV shows!

Virginity as the grand prize

One of the most discussed themes in teen movies is being a virgin. In most teen movies, girls are desperate to keep their virginity, while boys put their heart and soul into dragging a virgin into their cave. The representation of the virgin girl is often embarrassingly common. The girl shyly admits that she’s “never done this before”, after which her conqueror reassures her that he’ll “take it slowly”. After all, the first time should be “special”.

There is certainly a connection between scenes like this and the idea that women should remain innocent and pure until the right one comes along. Her virginity is then a huge gift for her partner, as if she were nothing but a cherry to be popped – a cherry that’s juicier and tastier because she’s not yet allowed herself to be liberated. The value of girls therefore depends on the extent to which they’ve saved themselves for that one lucky bastard.

Sex Education: better sex education!

This is not the case in the Netflix show Sex Education. The show follows Otis, who lives with his mother in a house full of vulva paintings. This is not surprising, as Otis’ mother is a sex therapist. When one of his classmates realises that Otis knows a lot about sex, she urges him to give sex education to other students for a fee.

Sexual issues

From then on, we see a continuous discussion of all kinds of sexual issues. The series not only dives deep into uncertainties surrounding sex, but also into topics such as abortion, masturbation, the female orgasm, sexism, sexting scandals, and prejudices about the LGBTQIA+ community.

It mercilessly debunks myths about STDs and casually explains which lubricant works best in which situation. Asexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality: every sexual preference gets a well-deserved platform.

No prejudice

The TV show tells a lot, without prejudice. For example, the first part shows a realistic scene about abortion. We don’t see a critical perspective here, but we do sympathise with the character step by step: from the waiting room to being discharged. The melodramatic music is omitted, and instead we see an abortion as it is. Yes, it’s emotionally heavy. But no, that doesn’t mean you’ll automatically struggle with feelings of guilt and self-hatred.

Or take masturbation. A laughable phenomenon in most productions, but in Sex Education, it’s cheerfully presented as a perfectly normal and healthy human need.

Multi-dimensional

The great thing about Sex Education is that the topics never feel uncomfortable. The storylines are empathetic, and there’s no judgmental plot twist. It’s an honest journey of discovery through the sexuality of real characters.

The creators stay away from unrealistic ideal images or stereotypes. In traditional teen shows, characters are often one-dimensional: beautiful, perfect, and popular, because otherwise you seemingly don’t deserve sex. The young people in Sex Education are diverse in terms of race, body type, and sexual preference. Their storylines are developed with nuance and sensitivity, and sex is something normal and recognisable. Something we all have to learn to deal with.

Sex education 2.0

It’s a message that apparently reaches many young people. The show was and is immensely popular and was a prelude to shows in which sex is considered a natural part of the human experience. And it was a departure from earlier shows in which sex was either problematised or ridiculed.

In a way, series like Sex Education are also a reckoning – a reckoning with the way sex education has been fed teenagers since time immemorial. We’re not saying that nothing has changed in all those years, but pleasure in sex is still not on the agenda. Just like the many ways of experiencing sex are nowhere to be found.

Embracing pop culture

Perhaps it’s time for teachers and education leaders to immerse themselves in pop culture. They should become more aware of trends in the design of sex education. Pop culture is your friend, says Susan Bankowski of Campaign for Our Children. You can’t reach this generation with old-fashioned warnings and dusty pictures of ovaries. Young people get their sexual knowledge from series, films, pop icons, and social media.

Isn’t it time for sex educators to embrace that same pop culture to reach young people?