Opinion: unsolicited dick pics and online sexism

Women, sex, and social media. Even in 2021, this still isn’t exactly a golden combination. I am of the opinion, and luckily many people agree with me, that women have the right to post a sexy photo without a flood of horny men sliding into their DMs. Horny men (and women) can be found in every nook and cranny of the internet. As one of the public faces of friendly competitor EasyToys, I am very familiar with these types of people. How do I deal with this and when does it go too far for me?

Stigma surrounding sexual pleasure

When we’re talking about posting a certain kind of content, everyone should do what they want to do. I truly believe that the stigma surrounding sexual pleasure is absolute nonsense. Anyway, I agree that sex is a private matter. I don’t need to see what you and your partner do in the bedroom. If I want to see something like that, I’ll visit the website with the orange and black logo. But I believe talking about sex is normal, not to mention healthy and educational!

I love sharing the content I create for the EasyToys TikTik account on Instagram stories. Besides educational and inspiring videos, there are also plenty of entertainment videos. I share these videos because I love what I create and I want to share it with others, and because I hope to inspire women by showing that you can share sex-related content as a woman as well. I’m also unafraid of posting skin-showing pictures. It was a long journey for me to embrace my curves and I can finally say that I now see my female beauty. Why wouldn’t I share this? I’m proud of myself and I want to share that with the world.

Unwelcome messages

It won’t surprise you that this comes with its share of unwanted responses. Sexual messages like dick pics or messages from people who want to pay me to have sex with them; I get them all the time. Questions like ‘did you test these toys yourself?’ are not wanted either. Would you ask a man who sells screw drivers if he tested them all himself?

I wouldn’t label every sexual message as ‘unpleasant’, but I would say they are ‘typical’. Because if you present yourself in a sexy and confident way on apps like Snapchat, TikTok, or Instagram, I am willing to bet you’ll receive at least one sexual message. It’s a kind of normalised action-reaction situation, but if you think about it, it’s crazy that sexual messages are seen as normal responses. I can go on about why this shouldn’t be normal for hours and hours, but let’s save that for a potential other blog post.

Dealing with online sexual intimidation

What I do want to go on about is how to deal with nasty or inappropriate messages or responses. No matter how confident you are or how much you stand behind your own content, online sexual intimidation is never okay and you never get used to it!

Funnily enough, everyone thinks that I deal with these types of messages very well. I am a confident woman, I stand behind the message I send into the world, and my ‘yolo’ level is higher than the Mount Everest. But even I feel insecure when I read certain messages and I definitely don’t enjoy receiving them. Sometimes people say: “Stop whining, it’s a compliment that you made my dick get hard” or “Haha, very open to the outside world, but a prude in the DMs? Fake!”

Well, Larry. The fact that I don’t respond to your out-of-the-blue dick pic or your question about what I would do with you if you were with me right now doesn’t mean I’m a prude or a fake. If you really want an answer, I would say that I feel sorry for you that you immediately take your dick out of your pants and feel the need to show it to me. I don’t even think it looks that good, so to answer your second question: I would run away from you.

No matter how much I want to respond to things like that, it’s better not to. At the end of the day, the sender is mainly looking for your attention. Negative of positive; attention is attention. If you mainly receive negative messages on a platform like TikTok, it’s better not to read the comments. But when you do open a message, just sigh and let it go. Keep in mind that you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t know how to handle a sexy power woman like you and that you have the high ground.

What it does to me?

Simply letting it go isn’t always possible. There have been times where I shed some tears after receiving a particularly nasty message and it made me feel very insecure about myself. I even told my manager that I would quit creating content if it went on like this. I can pretend it’s all good, but the truth is that it hurts me and breaks down my confidence. I try my best every day to send a positive message into the world; the message that sex is completely normal and that sex is for everyone. I consciously choose my outfit and my choice of words and I try to say what I want to say as professional as possible (of course with a good dose of entertainment). My intelligence, creativity, and openness make my videos popular; and still people only see me as the blonde lady who likes sex. That hurts.

Talk about it

Are you dealing with online sexual intimidation as well? Please find someone you trust and talk about what it does to you with that person. Many of us tend to laugh it off without realising how it truly makes us feel. Everyone has their boundaries, and so do you. I now receive weekly counselling and I regularly talk to a woman who has been in the business longer than I have and also has to deal with this type of unwanted behaviour. By talking about the situation at least once a week, I am now better equipped to deal with it. If you want to share your story, but you don’t know who you can trust with it, feel free to send me a message on Instagram.

Take care, sweet woman. You are absolutely amazing. Remember that.

X,

Suzanne