My first threesome: sex with two men

Every person goes through many ‘first times’ in their life, including everything that has to do with sexuality. In our new series ‘My First Time’, women describe their first time: kissing someone of the same sex, having a threesome, having an affair, or having sex under the influence. Linda (37) works for Pabo Magazine as a freelance writer. In this article, she describes her first threesome with two men.

A dream of many: a threesome

Ask a hundred people about their ultimate sex fantasy and dozens will say: a threesome. This was also the conclusion of a study conducted by Dr. Justin Lehmiller among 4,175 Americans between the ages of 18 and 87 for his book Tell Me What You Want. No less than 87% of women and 95% of men fantasize about having a threesome. There is a reason this fantasy is everywhere in porn, usually with two women and one man. However, not many people have actually had a threesome. According to research conducted in 2017 among 2,000 Americans, only 10% of women and 18% of men have actually had a threesome.

My first time having a threesome

Long ago, I studied journalism and was living in a student dorm. The freedom I had back then resulted in much experimentation, including sexual activities. Although I came close to having a threesome once before with an aquaintance and her boyfriend, I eventually ended up having a threesome in my own bed with two men. You should know: I was single and enjoyed having one-night stands. I always felt freer with a partner who I didn’t have any feelings for beyond sexual attraction.

“I want you! And you too…”

It all started in a pub: a band that I really wanted to see play live was set to perform, so I went there with a friend from university. There were two interesting men at the pub: a fit boy who studied sports and a man who was a little bit older, mysterious, and very hot. They were free-spirited types and one of them hang around me and the other around my friend. Unfortunately for her, I’m someone who knows what she wants and I was interested in her guy. In addition to the one I already had of course. I wanted them both, so that’s what I told them. This probably won’t come as a surprise, but as a female student, it’s very easy to wind two men around your finger. So after a fun night at the pub with several beers and a warm-up at the toilets with the mysterious men, I decided to offer both men a place to sleep.

“That’s the thing that I remember most from my first threesome: so many hands!”

On the way to my house, the cold night air sobered me up. Holy, shit, what have I done now? Are they going to have sex with each other as well perhaps? But the arousal and sexual tension fortunately took over: that’s what all those hands on your body do to you. That’s the thing I remember most from my first threesome: so many hands. In reality, there weren’t that many hands of course, just an extra pair. But that provided so much arousal for me, because it meant that my sensitive spots were continuously stimulated.

“The bed is big anough”

When we arrived at my student appartment, the eldest said: “At least the bed is big enough.” Well, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone where that night was going to lead. It was an incredibly exciting and arousing experience. The best thing was those hands, like I said. I was so used to having one bedpartner that it was a surprise every time I felt the other man. In my experience, it wasn’t like what you often see in the porn. No double penetration, but a free sexual experience. I had sex with one man, then with the other while number one did things to me with his hands and mouth. They didn’t touch each other, fortunately, and only focussed on me. If one was tired, the other was ready to go again, and eventually everyone fell asleep in my bed, satisfied.

The morning after – my first time having a threesome

The great thing about being a student is that you don’t necessarily have to go to each class when you have something better to do. And I did, because the next day, one of the men was still in my bed. The student left early, but the mysterious man and I had another very fun day together. I still feel good about my first time having a threesome. Would I do it again? If I were single and the experience would be like the first time, then I definitely would.

Things that weren’t great during my threesome(s)

I didn’t have just one threesome in my life. I once ended up in bed with two soldiers after a night out and also with a date and his friend. These two experiences couldn’t hold a candle to the first time. One person was so inexperienced and clumsy that I made sure he left as soon as possible. My date did stay however. Perhaps it was a little awkward, but I believe that women (and men as well by the way) shouldn’t do anything against their will and I really didn’t want a clumsy experience. And it didn’t go smoothly with the two soldiers either: one was a little too impatient for my liking and I realised that it actually takes a lot of effort to keep two men satisfied at the same time.

First time having a threesome: do’s

Like I said, I was single when I had my threesomes. Personally, I think that having a threesome while you’re in a relationship is more complicated than when you’re single. As a single person, you don’t have to deal with feelings of jealousy when your partner is having sex with someone else. I would probably be jealous if I was in a relationship. But like I said: that’s just a guess, as I don’t have any experience having a threesome while in a relationship. Undoubtedly, there are couples who can separate love from lust and don’t really get jealous. Still, it’s always a good thing to keep this list of do’s in mind:

• Have safe sex. Unless like me you want to be contacted by one of the men afterwards because it turns out he has an STD. Luckily, the only thing I got from the experience was guilt. So use a condom: always a good idea if you have more than one partner. You can also place a condom on your sex toys.
• Think about who that third person should be. It’s usually better to choose someone you don’t know (who you can hopefully find at the pub later anytime you want to) than a friend. And that takes me to the third point:
• Jealousy. How jealous will you be when you see your man having sex with your good friend? Are you able to invite her over again for a movie night at your house? Or is it better to choose someone you don’t know, someone you meet on Tinder for example?
• Rules. I know, I talk about communication a lot in my articles, but it’s important when you’re going to have a threesome. Maybe that other woman wants to give your partner a blowjob, but you think this is too intimate. Or perhaps you feel like you have to do certain things because that other woman does them too. And another important point: is the sex allowed to continue if one of you is gone for a little while, for example when you have to go to the loo? Talk about these things with your partner beforehand, as well as with that third person.
• Feel free! You’re already doing something that’s outside your comfort zone, so there’s no harm in a little experimentation. Try a different sex position for example, something that you’ve always wanted to try, but was too afraid to experiment with.
• Only do it if you really want to. A threesome isn’t a fun gift to your partner if you’re not both 100% on board. You don’t want to feel shame or regret for the rest for your life, just because you wanted to please your partner.

Have you ever had a threesome?