How to overcome low libido

A long-term relationship, physical problems, insecurity, or stress: there are many things that can cause a decrease in libido. How do you overcome low sex drive, what causes it, and is it really a problem?

What is low libido?

Libido, or sex drive, is your need for sexuality. If you’re not as much in the mood for sex as you used to be, your libido has decreased. We also call this low libido or loss of libido.

Is low libido bad?

The short answer is: no. However, if can cause some problems if it negatively affects your relationship. It’s normal for one partner to have a lower libido than the other, but if this difference becomes significant, it could cause some friction in the relationship. This is especially true when there wasn’t much of a difference in libido before. Even as a single person, low libido can negatively affect you. It can have an influence on your mental state or hold you back from dating for example.

Causes and possible solutions

There are many possible causes for decreased libido. Some are physical and some are psychological. Below are the most common causes of low libido for both men and women and their possible solutions. In general, a healthy diet, plenty of exercise, enough sleep, and keeping your stress levels in check are the four most important elements in keeping up or improving your libido.

Medication

The use of certain medications can decrease testosterone levels, which can decrease your sexual desires. Among others, antidepressants, hormones for prostate cancer, cancer treatments like chemo and radiology, painkillers like morfine and oxycodon, steroids, and medication for high blood pressure can cause a low libido. Testosterone supplements in the form of testosterone capsules or pills can help increase your testosterone levels. Always ask your doctor for advice first. They can check if testosterone pills are safe to use in combination with your medication.

Stress or depression

Stress can cause a decrease in hormone levels, narrow your veins, and influence your blood supply. According to research conducted by Psychological Impotence in 2012, stress influences the sex drive of both men and women. Stress can be caused by anything from work and financial problems to illness and relationship problems. It’s practically impossible to ban every source of stress from your life. However, you might be able to find a healthy balance. Perhaps you can work less hours if you feel too much pressure or work more hours if you have financial problems, or you can go on holiday with your partner to strenghten your relationship for example.

Also read: Why going on holiday together is good for your relationship

Depression can also be the cause of low libido. Generally speaking, if you’re depressed, you don’t get much enjoyment out of daily activities, including sex. Certain types of antidepressants lead to low libido and can even cause permanent issues. Finding professional help is the best thing to do when you’re depressed. When your mental state improves, your libido will most likely increase as well.

Sleeping problems

Research has shown that men with sleep apnea have a lower libido. No less than one third of men suffering from sleep apnea also have lower testosterone levels, which results in low libido and decreased sexual activity. Another study shows that the testosterone levels of young, healthy men decreased by 10 to 15% after sleeping no more than five hours a night for a week. So, it’s clear that a good night’s sleep has a major impact on your libido. This is why people with a new-born baby often feel less inclined to have sex. The good news is that eventually your baby will learn to sleep through the night and you will be able to have a good night’s sleep again as well. Have you noticed that your libido is lower than usual? Try to get enough sleep from now on. Reduce your screen time for example (the blue light keeps you awake), go to bed earlier, or relax in the bath or shower before you go to sleep. Meditation and relaxation exercises can also help you fall asleep faster.

Low self-esteem

If you have low self-esteem, this can negatively affect your libido. If you feel unattractive, there is a good chance you find it difficult to let yourself go between the sheets. This can cause insecurity, which, for men, can result in erectile dysfunction. In the long run, low self-esteem can also cause depression, anxiety disorders, or alcohol or drug abuse. And all these issues lead to low libido as well. The good news is that you can work on your self-esteem. Ask your GP or a therapist if necessary. Having open conversations with friends can also be very useful. They can show you that you’re amazing just the way you are and that there is nothing you have to feel insecure about.

Your age

As a woman, your sex life can be negatively affected by menopause. This can lead to a decrease in libido (due to the loss of testosterone production) and vaginal dryness (because your body produces less and less estrogen). Men can have erection problems at any age, but it is most common in older men. Erection problems can lead to a lower libido, because you can end up in a vicious circle. Your confidence and trust in your body is not as strong as it used to be, making you afraid to ‘fail’ in bed. This causes tension and as a result of that, your body won’t perform the way you would like it to. Your doctor can help you find out what causes your erection problems or give you tips if, for example, you suffer from vaginal dryness after menopause. The best tip in general for vaginal dryness is using plenty of lubricant during sex. It’s natural for your libido to decrease as you get older. If you want to boost your sex drive, try to deepen the intimate connection with your partner.

Also read: How to keep sex fun after the menopause

Chronic illness

If you don’t feel well because you have a chronic illness, sex is probably low on your list of priorities. Certain diseases, such as cancer, can also reduce sperm production. These chronic illnesses can negatively affect your libido as well: type 2 diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and chronic liver, kidney, heart, and lung problems. Is sexual contact important to you? Try talking about it with your partner and discuss how you can improve your sex drive together. Create the right ambience and look after yourself and each other if possible. This doesn’t have to involve large gestures, because small romantic things can be really effective in increasing your libido. If your chronic illness forms an significant obstacle when it comes to your libido, talk about it with your GP. They can support you and perhaps offer alternate solutions.

Alcohol and drug use

Research shows that people who drink at least fourteen glasses of alcohol a week produce less testosterone. The use of cannabis, tobacco, and drugs such as heroin also reduces testosterone production. If this situation applies to you, there is really only one thing you can do in this case to increase your libido: reduce your alcohol and/or drug use, or even stop using it altogether. Your libido will then automatically increase again.

Communicate with your partner

If your libido is lower than usual, it is important to communicate this to your partner. There’s a chance your lover has no problems with your low libido at all. But it’s also possible that you or your partner does have a problem with it. Your GP, a relationship therapist, or a sex therapist might be able to show you how to deal with this, what causes your problems, and possibly which medications could help you overcome low libido.