Column: sexuality for his ego

Last week, I had the pleasure of talking to an ex-radio DJ about sexuality. In his younger years, he was one of the most popular radio DJs in his country. He was invited to all the red carpet events, and the women he was surrounded with were considered to be ‘out of his league’, were it not for him being a famous DJ. He tried to pack 40 years’ worth of life into 20 years, for which he is now paying the price.

Four years ago, he stopped having sex. He didn’t need it anymore. His body ran dry, his mind was tired, and he had seen and experienced the whole spectrum of sexuality in his DJ years. Now he isn’t really interested in it anymore and he consciously made the decision for that to be okay. Despite the amount of sexuality he has known in his life, he chooses not to occupy himself with it anymore. And although he thinks about the absence of it within his relationship from time to time, it doesn’t worry him. It works for both of them within the relationship and therefore it does for him in general as well.

I wrote an article before on making your own sexual choices, in which I described a couple of elements that are necessary in order to be able to make your own decisions. And exactly those elements were present in the conversation I had with this man: he engaged in several sexual experiences, most of which he liked a lot, but a couple of those experiences were less pleasant. He had had numerous sexual partners and he learned a lot from them. One of his bedpartners got pregnant by accident, which made him more aware of the possible consequences of casual sex. He talked about it, and for the last ten years, he had been immersing himself in spirituality and engaging in a lot of conversations about sexuality. He was open-minded and learned about what was part of his sexuality and what wasn’t, and what sexuality meant to him. Then he also made, what some would consider, a bold decision: he decided that the sexuality he had known for such a long time had little to do with his own sexuality. It was just there, it was convenient, and he gained a lot of attention from it, but within that framework, he was also used for sex at times.

And now that he had been consciously considering his own sexuality for a couple of years and challenged himself to ask critical questions, he discovered that his current way of life says so much more about his sexuality than his former life ever did: it is a form of sexuality that isn’t necessary for his ego. A form of sexuality where he doesn’t need to ‘be someone’ anymore.