Column: monogamy as the holy grail?

She never thought about it before, but now it keeps going through her mind: does she really want to spend the rest of her life in a monogamous relationship?

Lynn always said she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be with another man. But when she kissed her colleague after a couple of drinks, she didn’t feel any discomfort; on the contrary. Her husband Vincent had suggested several times to push the boundaries of their monogamous relationship a little bit. Lynn thought it was a ridiculous idea. When Vincent heard about her kiss, his heart jumped: he suddenly saw possibilities.

But Lynn has a hard time moving away from the dream image of a monogamous relationship that she has always had. Also, she still longs for Vincent, so does she really want other men in her life? What if it’s just a phase? And didn’t she cheat on Vincent with her colleague? So wouldn’t having a non-monogamous relationship just be an excuse to justify her cheating?

Choosing to have a non-monogamous relationship is only a good idea if it adds value to your relationship after all, and if it’s something that both partners are curious about. Lynn was afraid she didn’t really want it, but she felt obligated because of Vincent: now that she kissed another person, Vincent should be allowed to do the same.

Still, she catches herself being curious about it. She looks at other men more often, as well as women sometimes. She fantasizes about other men besides Vincent. Would it be possible? Could she long for feeling another person’s hands on her body? Trying to catch her breath in the neck of someone that’s not Vincent? It made her feel aroused in a way that she hadn’t experienced before.

Now the trick is to challenge her own conviction of monogamy as the holy grail. And what better way to do this than flirt with others? She was going to do this together with Vincent the next few months. Vincent couldn’t wait to act on his long-cherished fantasies together with Lynn.

Also read: Polyamory: what is it and how do you make it work?