Tantra sex: what is it and what does it achieve?

Tantra or tantra sex; you may have heard of it before, but what is it exactly? Tantra in general is all about consciousness. However, there is an important difference between tantra and tantra sex. Are you interested in these subjects and do you want to know more so you can try it yourself? This article offers information that can serve as a starting point for you and your partner to discover the world of tantra. 

The difference between tantra and tantra sex

Tantra and tantra sex are two different things. Tantra represents growth in love and consciousness. It’s a Hindu spiritual teaching that started in the 3rd century A.D and has nothing to to with sex. Tantra sex however is about a sexual experience; if focusses on the consciousness of the person or persons who you experience it with. It’s about making a deep energetic connection to yourself or your lover in order to take sex from a purely physical to a spiritual level. It’s a spiritual way of being together, it’s full of rituals, and it sometimes requires a lot of discipline. Tantra sex is mostly about awareness, about being fully conscious of what you’re doing and what you feel while having sex with love in your heart.

Is tantra sex right for me?

If you want to find out if tantra sex is right for you, it’s good to know the essential meaning and goal of this sexual experience. If being fully present in the moment while having sex is something that appeals to you, we would recommend trying tantra sex. One of the most important aspects of tantra sex is the belief that having an orgasm is not the goal of sex. It’s about the experience as a whole; the journey of discovery where two bodies come together as one or where you masturbate on your own. During tantra sex, you’re trying to connect with yourself and your partner. The deeper the connection, the more you can lose yourself in it. The idea behind this it that sex isn’t achievement-based, it’s about simply being in the moment. Everyone can learn how to have tantra sex, as long as they’re open to it. How difficult it eventually is depends on the person. Another important aspect of tantra sex is that practicioners believe that sexual energy provides more life energy and therefore enhances your happiness in life.

The orgasm during tantra sex

During ‘regular’ sex, it’s not uncommon to give in to feelings of lust. Many people want to have an orgasm as soon as possible and it’s not surprising that they think like that. If you watch a porn movie for example, having an orgasm is almost always the goal. When the main characters reach a climax, the movie ends. Tantra sex is not like that; it recommends men not to ejaculate. The idea behind this is that tantra sex provides more life energy, while an orgasm drains energy. If a man prevents ejaculation, the energy can flow back into his body. This should result in a clear mind and being present in the here and now. He should also be able to last longer in bed. By not ejaculating for a longer period of time, the peek orgasm of a few seconds can be transformed into a deeper orgasm that lasts longer and feels more intense. This deeper orgasm doesn’t cause low energy level in contrast to peek orgasms. An additional advantage is that a full body orgasm has the potential to last as long as twenty minutes. Of course everyone can decide for themselves if they want to have an orgasm or not. We only present to you what is generally recommended when it comes to tantra sex.

How do I start?

If you’re interested in tantra sex, you’re probably wondering where to start. We will give you some practical tips.

Plan a tantra session

Perhaps it feels a little strange to actually plan sex or a masturbation session, but this is actually what practitioners of tantra sex recommend. By planning a monthly or weekly session of at least two hours for example, you’re sure that you can give it the time it requires.

Set the mood

A pleasant atmosphere in the space where you want to practice tantra sex can positively contribute to the overall experience. You could place some blankets on the floor, so you have more space to sit or lie down for example. For an even more romantic ambience, you could also light candles. The temperature in the room is important, but completely depends on your personal preferences. Just make sure it’s not too hot and not too cold. Does music get you in the right mood? Make sure you put on a playlist that is long enough, so you don’t have to think about it during the entire tantra experience.

Emotional and physical preparation

In order to make your tantra adventure a success, it helps to keep an open mind. Perhaps you, and possibly your partner, like to have a shower or a bath beforehand. Of course you can touch yourself or your partner during this time, but try to do it in a non-sexual way. What kind of lingerie or clothing you put on aftwerwards is completely up to you. You can choose to put on clothes that you feel comfortable in for example, but you can also be naked or put a large towel around you. Do what feels good to you, because that’s what it’s all about. 

Do it together; look into your partner’s eyes

If you’re ready to embark on the tantra sex adventure with your partner, you can try meditating together. The purpose of this is to make a connection with each other. You can sit cross-legged across from each other on the bed or on blankets on the floor for example. As a woman, it’s also possible to sit on your partner’s lap. We call this the yab-yum position, which symbolises the Shiva and Shakti pose. You can also sit on a mattress or pillow. Put your arms around the your partner’s neck and ask them to put their arms around your waist. Try to focus on your partner’s breathing.. Gaze into each other’s eyes and don’t look away. This can be challenging, because it can feel a little awkward at first. But that’s okay! Try to keep looking into your partner’s eyes until the awkwardness or laughing fit goes away. This exercise will give you the chance to deepen your connection.

I love you, because… I love myself, because…

What makes your partner attractive to you? It is their strong hands, their creativity, or how they look at you? Try to find the words to express what you feel. Taking turns in telling each other what you like about the other person and why they are the one for you is a great exercise. You don’t have to respond, only listen. This is also an exercise that you can do on your own. Why do you love yourself? Try to find an answer and try to say it out loud to yourself.

Touch yourself or each other

If you’re still sitting cross-legged across from each other, you can now go sit on your partner’s lap. You can use your finger tips to touch each other, but don’t touch any erogenous spots. The intention here is to kiss each each slowly and sensually for a long time. Preferably not a passionate, wild kiss; it isn’t time to have sex yet. If you practice tantra sex on your own, you can start touching yourself as well. Slide your finger tips over your neck or your arms for example.

An extensive massage

The next step can be a relaxing, non-erotic massage. Keep in mind that you’re not in a rush. That’s one of the essential ideas behind tantra sex: there’s no time limit and you can take all the time you need. Deep and slow movements that don’t involve the erogenous areas are very relaxing to most people. If a different type of massage is more enjoyable to you, don’t hesitate to tell your partner. After all, the purpose of this massage is that it helps you relax completely. Using massage oil helps glide your hands over your partner’s body. And the scent can contribute to the relaxing atmosphere. We will tell you more about tantric massages later on.

Time for more… if you want

If you want, this could be the moment for you to masturbate or have sex. Try to keep in mind that you do this in a conscious way. Do it together (if you do it with your partner) and do it slowly. For example, you can gaze into each other’s eyes while you touch each other. Sex and orgasms are not the goal of tantra sex: you can lie next to each other on the bed to feel connected if that’s what you prefer. It’s just one of the many possibilities to connect to each other.

Tantra massage; together with your partner

A tantra massage is considered to be a massage with loving touches and the full attention and presence of both partners. A tantric massage is given from the heart, even though your hands do all the work. A massage focusses on the well-being of the receiver, who actively receives the love. A tantric massage doesn’t have set rules; you’re just trying to live in the moment. The most important thing is that you’re both fully conscious of what is happening or at least try to be. These kinds of massages are not meant for falling asleep. Still, it might happen. Because a tantric massage doesn’t have any strict rules or goals, it’s important that you live in the moment and accept what’s happening. It’s possible that your partner falls asleep and it would be great if they don’t have a reason to feel guilty about it. While giving your partner a tantric massage, it’s no problem to touch their erogenous areas if they agree to it. Try to be aware of the moment, of your sexual energy, and the ecstatic state your body is in. If you don’t have a partner, but you do want to experience a tantric massage, you could consider visiting a professional masseur.

Visiting a tantra masseur

Do you want to experience a tantra massage on your own? Then you could find a tantra masseur. Set some rules beforehand, so the massage stays within your personal boundaries. You can set rules for both the mental and the physical aspects of the massage. It’s all about loving agreement and your pleasure. Often masseurs have a conversation with you first, so you can make your wishes known. When it comes to the physical aspects, you can consider the level of nakedness; you don’t always have to be completely naked. It’s also possible to only have a tantric head massage if you’re more comfortable with that. If you do want the full-body experience, consider what you’re comfortable with and what you do and don’t want to experience. Is the masseur allowed to touch your genitalia or your breasts for example, or are these no-go areas? It’s good to think about this beforehand, so the massage will be as enjoyable as possible. Keep in mind that a tantric massage focusses on the experience of  the receiver. The giver normally doesn’t give in to any of their own emotions, which is definitely what you should expect from a professional masseur as well. If you’re not comfortable with how the massage is going, don’t hesitate to tell the masseur! You can leave immediately if you want or you can see if the massage gets better after you’ve expressed your feelings about it. 

Is tantra sex right for me?

If what you’ve read in this article sounds interesting to you, then tantra sex might be something you should try for yourself. If you want to do it together with your partner, your partner should also feel comfortable with trying this method of loving each other and shaping your relationship. It’s much more difficult to live consciously in this way if your partner isn’t involved in it. There are many tantra sex books available and there is plenty of information online if you want to know more. It’s also possible to take a tantra course or do an online workshop.