Swinging: what is it and is it right for you?

You probably heard the term ‘swingers’ at some point in your life. What does swinging mean exactly? And what kind of people are swingers? We will tell you all about it!

What is swinging?

Swinging means that a couple swaps partners to have sex with each other. It’s also called temporary partner swap or wive swap. People who swing are called swingers. There are various types of swingers. For example: two straight married couples where the men have sex with each other’s wives.

Most swingers are married heterosexual couples who swap partners with another heterosexual couple. Usually the couples consist of people over forty who are in a long-term relationship and are looking for more (sexual) excitement. Often couples attract the same type of couples. For example, white straight couples tend to swing with other white straight couples.

“Swingers are often very much in love and are very trusting of each other”, says Curtis Bergstrand, sociologist and author of Swinging in America: Love, Sex and Marriage in the 21st Century. “The sex is simply a pastime.”

Is swinging right for us?

If you’re in a long-term relationship and you could use some more excitement in your sex life, swinging might be right for you. Does it appeal to you to have sex with someone else while your partner watches? And how about seeing your partner with another man or woman? If the answer is yes, you’re probably an ideal swingers couple.

It’s important to set the rules before you go on a date. Are you okay with your partner having sex with a single man or woman, or not? Talk about it beforehand. The same goes for sexual acts. If you’re partner doesn’t want someone else to have anal sex with you for example, then don’t do it.

According to Bergstone, people often think that swinging is a man’s fantasy, but it’s actually the women who enjoy it the most. “Men are more competitive when it comes to other men and they are more insecure, because they’re afraid their partner enjoys sex with that other man more than with them. Women are more supportive towards each other.”

Where can you meet other swingers?

There are various places to meet like-minded people. The easiest place to meet other swingers is at a swinger’s club, at erotic parties, on special holidays, and of course on the internet. You can choose to go to a swinger’s club, but you can also find swingers on dating sites and meet up in a luxury hotel suite.

If you go to a club for the first time, you don’t have to take off all your clothes right away. In most clubs, it’s very normal that you take a look around first. Make sure to inquire about the dress code though. Often you are expected to wear nothing but lingerie at a certain time in the evening.

Swingers’ clubs

There are many well-known clubs in the UK and other European countries where you can go if you’re in the mood for erotic pleasure.

• Le Boudoir is London’s most well-known swingers’ club. They offer themed roleplay rooms, a cocktail bar, and a chic lounge. They also organise themed parties for both couples and singles.
• In the Netherlands, you can go to Fata-Morgana. This is a large club that is open on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Admission costs about 100 to 125 euros per couple.
• Swingers’ club Fun4Two is also located in the Netherlands. There are regular nights, but also themed parties, exclusive swingers’ nights, and gigolo nights. Only women and couples are welcome in this club.
• Avarus is the most well-known swingers’ club in Berlin. The club has a large playroom and small wellness facilities.
• If you’re in Paris, you can go to Quai 17. This is one of the largest swingers’ clubs in the French capital and even has an erotic cinema.

Also read: Adults-only hotels and campsites

Various forms of swinging

Swinging comes in all shapes and sizes. These are the most important terms to know as a beginner.

Mélangisme

Mélangisme is a French word for a light form of swinging. Kissing another couple is allowed, as is caressing. But it doesn’t go any further than that. Mélangisme is a good way to explore swinging and find out if you feel any jealousy when you see your partner with someone else.

Soft swap

A soft swap goes a step further. Apart from kissing and caressing, oral sex is permitted as well. However, a soft swap doesn’t go beyond performing cunnilingus or a blowjob.

Full swap

A full swap means going all the way, so penetration is allowed as well.

Wapdate

During a wapdate the couples take drugs to get in the right flow. This kind of swing date usually involves all couples taking drugs like poppers, GHB, or ketamine. In the gay scene, this is called a chem date. If you don’t want anything to do with drugs, ask the swingers’ club about their policy beforehand.

The downside of swinging

Before you start swinging, you should consider all the pros and cons thoroughly. There are three important elements that you should keep in mind.

Jealousy

Everyone feels jealous sometimes and there’s no shame in feeling a little jealous when you see you partner with someone else. However, it’s important to keep these feelings under control. It’s no fun if your partner enjoyed the experience, but you can’t get over seeing your partner with that other person. Are you the jealous type? Then swinging might not be the right choice for you.

Love

If you swing with the same couple more than once, it’s possible that you start developing feelings for your sex partner, which might even be stronger than your feelings for your own partner. This is a huge red flag. Falling in love in not the purpose of swinging. After all, you’re not in an open relationship. If you fall in love with your sex partner anyway, it’s best not to see them again.

Health risks

Be careful when you have sex with another person and always use contraceptives. The last thing you want is to get pregnant or get an STD. Condoms are necessary, but also get tested for an STD regularly. Don’t have unprotected sex if the other couple doesn’t get tested on a regular basis.