Porn addiction: when are you watching too much porn?

Porn is everywhere. And it always has been. From the obscene drawings on Roman walls to the shady corners of 90s video shops and the Pornhubs of today. You’ve probably downloaded a video yourself or perhaps you’re even an avid porn viewer. But when does jerking off to yet another scene on screen become problematic? And is there such a thing as an addiction to porn?

Porn: the figures

First of all, the figures. Numbers don’t lie! No less than 30% of all internet traffic relates to pornography. And yes, that’s quite a lot. The largest and most popular porn site is visited no less than 4.4 billion times per month.

Rutgers, the Dutch knowledge centre for sexuality, states that 71% of men and 29% of women occasionally watch porn. 31% of men admit to watching it at least once a week. Women are less fanatical, with only 5% turning on a sexy film at least once a week.

And when you consider that the average person only spends three to six minutes on a news platform, it says a lot that they spend at least 15 minutes on a porn site…

Dizzying increase

We don’t need to get all weird about it: porn has been around since the sexual revolution. And the explosion of the internet and digital technology has led to a staggering increase in online pornography. It’s never been easier to consume porn anonymously from all corners of the globe.

Porn websites give direct access to images, short films and endless gang bang sessions, often for free. You no longer have to sneak off to that shady corner in the video shop to the sound of teens snickering around the corner. Thanks to the internet, you can watch whatever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want.

Thanks to the internet, you can watch whatever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want.

Recreational masturbators

That doesn’t have to be a problem. Most people who watch porn are not compulsive wankers or pimps. On the contrary, they are recreational masturbators, who watch porn just because they feel like it. They simply want to blow off some steam or give their sex life a hot boost. That’s nothing to worry about.

Still, there are porn users for whom it’s more complicated. And that’s why the phenomenon is slowly but surely coming under a magnifying glass. Not only by feminists or Christians, but also by couples’ therapists. This latter group sounded the alarm in 2002 because, according to them, half of all divorces could be attributed to the use of porn. Many sexologists and therapists also state that they are seeing an increasing number of clients with porn-related relationship issues.

Obsessive porn fanatics

The science backs this up: a 2019 study suggests that 3% to 6% of people engage in compulsive sexual behaviours with pornography playing a major role. And it’s these obsessive porn fanatics who compulsively masturbate themselves into oblivion a few times a day that we should worry about.

These people often turn to porn because they’re in a sexless relationship, because they can’t get intimate with other people, or because they simply can no longer bring themselves to have sex anymore since they judge every other body through the lens of what they have seen in porn films.

So, is porn a harmless pastime? Breaking the tension, getting yourself to a climax and moving on? In and of itself, yes. But for some people, it can lead to obsession and relationship problems.

Addicted to porn

While porn is not included in the general list of addictions, there’s no doubt that looking at porn can become compulsive and that it can subsequently lead to relational and psychological problems as well.

For example, Swedish scientists asked 1,913 internet users about their online porn use. They discovered that 5% of women and 13% of men saw their use as problematic. And that 2% of women and 5% of men had serious problems due to their activities on porn websites. For these people, it definitely feels like a porn addiction.

Enlarged and extreme

Why is this so? It should come as no surprise to anyone that watching a lot of porn can lead to unrealistic expectations. Most images in porn content are magnified and extreme. No one can go on for hours without a pill. And most women don’t get crazy horny from having a man cum in their face, no matter how exciting the women on screen seem to find it. But these images do make porn viewers very aware of their own sexual practices and they can quickly wonder if that is all there is.

They can become insecure, which can lead to problems with intimacy and sexual performance. Young people who watch a lot of porn in their formative years also get the idea that this is normal sex. The anatomy of porn stars is usually not very realistic either: huge breasts and penises, butt implants, not a trace of pubic hair, and all kinds of lighting tricks to hide any dimple or lump.

Most images in porn content are magnified and extreme. No one can go on for hours without a pill.

Boring and predictable

People who watch porn excessively need more stimulation to get aroused. When they’re in bed with their real-life partners, they just can’t get there anymore. Normal sexual encounters? They become increasingly boring and predictable. And porn addicts become increasingly insensitive to sex with their partner or anyone else.

Compare it to drinking alcohol. At some point, your body gets used to it and you need more to feel the intoxication. It works the same way with porn: the more you watch, the more you need and the harder it is to get excited about the real deal as the bar gets raised higher and higher.

In addition, porn is fast, easy and impersonal. Intimacy can be difficult and sometimes even a little embarrassing. If you’re already having trouble getting into relationships, porn can seem like a good way to get off. At the same time, you run the risk of making the threshold for real human and intimate contact even higher.

The more you watch, the more you need and the harder it is to get excited about the real deal as the bar gets raised higher and higher.

So when is it an addiction?

A ‘porn addiction’ is not necessarily about how much porn you watch, although if you watch it seven times a day, that might be telling you something. But frequency is not the primary criterion for determining whether someone has a problem.

Still, there are some worrying signs to be aware of:

1: You’re becoming less and less social

Do you prefer to lock your doors for a cosy evening with your laptop, a sex toy and a roll of toilet paper? And do you find that you have less and less need for social contact outside the door? People who constantly make up excuses to get out of social activities because they would rather play with themselves, should think twice. Just like people who find it difficult to maintain social relationships because they’re too busy with sex films, it’s probably going a bit too far!

At the same time, the reason for your excessive porn use may be your existing issues with forming relationships. If that’s the case, it might be best to talk to a sex therapist or psychologist.

2: You’re lying to your partner

About 70% of the people prefer to keep their porn habits under the radar. And that’s only logical, as they can be quite taboo. Still, it’s problematic if you’re too scared to share this part of your life with your partner. Especially if you sense that porn is becoming an obsession for you.

Do you notice that you regularly lie about your porn habits? As long as you’re not married to an extremely judgemental person, this could be a warning sign. Try to talk about it with your partner or someone you trust before your porn addiction gets in the way of your relationship.

3: You only get aroused by porn

Huge red flag: you’re not open to intimacy any more, you start avoiding real sex and you prefer to retreat with a range of XXX movies on PornHub. Sexually, you become completely engrossed in what your favourite porn stars are capable of and you distance yourself from your partner.

You may find it increasingly difficult to get aroused by real people. If you already have normal sex, you might notice that your sexual desires and physical reactions are no longer sufficiently triggered. Or that you are being more demanding, rough and denigrating than you normally would be.

Some avid porn viewers even find their regular partner unattractive, because they don’t look like porn stars, they can’t or won’t get into the same positions, or because they don’t moan or pant like they do online. They find their own sex life boring and their expectations about sex, intimacy and sex partners are distorted.

Some avid porn viewers even find their regular partner unattractive, because they don’t look like porn stars, they can’t or won’t get into the same positions, or because they don’t moan or pant like they do online.

4: It feels like an addiction

You may also notice that your porn behaviour is becoming problematic on an emotional level. Feelings of anger, shame, loneliness, restlessness and irritability are all relatively more common in people who watch porn extremely often. These people also often have trouble sleeping or relaxing because they’re always busy with their next ‘fix’.

They also feel like they have no control over their porn use. Watching porn is something compulsive, something that has to be done in order to get on with their day. When they’re done, they often feel guilty and dirty until the next time the urge comes up. It feels like a porn addiction, and that’s what counts.

What can you do about a “porn addiction”?

It’s relatively simple. Whether you can call it a porn addiction or not, you have a problem if your viewing behaviour interferes with your relationships and your daily life. If your work or study suffers from it because you’re constantly on the hunt for porn movies, or if you can’t be intimate with your partner because you only get turned on by porn.

A porn addiction doesn’t necessarily mean you should go cold turkey. If you use porn to copy with stressful situations, it doesn’t really make sense to immediately stop watching porn. Porn is not the problem, stress is. Try to find out where the stress is coming from and tackle the roots of your issue. Going outside more, more social contacts, and meditation can also help.

Don’t be ashamed and seek help!

Are you unable to nip your porn addiction in the bud on your own? Don’t be ashamed to seek help from a psychologist or sex therapist. They can help you understand your relationship with porn and develop strategies for dealing with any underlying psychological issues.

Again, porn in and of itself is a harmless and enjoyable pastime. It’s fine if you watch it and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Just as there’s nothing to be ashamed of when the balance tips the wrong way. Get help, so you can ultimately develop a healthy relationship with porn, your partner and your sex life!